Girls and Food

Growing up I had a hard time finding images of women who looked like me. Not only was it rare for me to see Black women in the media, but images of women who weren't a size 2 were almost non-existent. Because of this I think I had a hard time feeling comfortable in my own skin because what my body looked like was not the same as my Mom's or my sister's, so what was wrong with me? I will never forget the first time I saw Janet Jackson's "Nasty" video because I thought, "Well, she looks like me." And heck, to a young girl someone like Janet Jackson having a 'little more to love' made it okay to be the way God made you!

Fast-foward to 2012 when I have my own daughter to help navigate the images of women and the ideas of what we are supposed to look like. Jay has never been fat or overweight, just that little girl chub that seems to come with the territory. Today, she's nowhere near being overweight or even chubby, anywhere, but I think being a size 2 at 11 could seem alluring enough for her to want to hold on to that prepubescent body. After all, the models and even television stars often divulge their size 2 or 4 status and they're grown women.  The thing is, Jay isn't done growing and there's no reason to hinder her body's natural progression into womanhood.

But how do you get that concept into a girl who sees heavier girls being made fun of at school? Who has taunts hurled her way like, "Oh she's anorexic!" by the heavier girls. And knows girls her age who have been told, by their mothers no less, that a 500 calorie diet will help them lose weight. I'm supposed to think my motherly advice of 'eat healthy most of the time and enjoy not-so-healthy fare in moderation' is going to drown out the noise of what girls her age are doing? Right.

So when I discovered Jay was not eating much at all during lunch at school, I got concerned. Yes, it's one meal a day that she may skimp on because of the 'girls and food' climate at school, but I think eating disorders start with small things and grow into the kinds of stories we hear in the news about anorexia and bulimia. Now, along with those disorders there's the exercising too much to keep weight steady: Exercise Bulimia.

It was definitely eye-opening when I realized that girls who don't have a weight problem want to make sure to keep it that way, because I was always the girl trying to figure out how to get my body to lose some weight or at least look like other girls my age! Now, I never had an eating disorder (or exercising disorder for that matter) but I know what it's like to be unhappy with what you see in the mirror - I know that scene all to well. So when I was trying to see where on my own weight-loss journey I may have obsessed too much about this or that that may have put an unhealthy seed into Jay's mind about food and her weight, it occurred to me that maybe seeing how hard it has been for me to lose weight was what planted that seed.

Think about it, Why would you put yourself into a position to be overweight when you have witnessed how much work it takes to get even a little weight to budge? If you're already a healthy weight, wouldn't you try to avoid being overweight/obese at all costs?

I don't know where this idea of "eat too much crap and you can dance, run, or stair climb it away" came from, but I know that God is able to guide me in getting Jay back on the path to right thinking when it comes to food and exercise. From what I can tell, she may have just been playing too close to the edge of a disorder and Babe and I shooed her away just in time. But just in the week since we started talking to her about eating well so she can grow healthy and strong, Jay seems to be back on track. As we all know, kids are smart and can get over on their parents. I'm just praying Jay will never see risking her life for the 'ideal' body as an option.