This year I prayed that if God would help me write the book I have longed to write, I would do my part if He'd do His. Well, I've gotten the final push I need to sit myself down and put fingers to keyboard and just see what happens! What's so hard about writing a book when you're a writer? In the face of that final push, I realized I had some fears to face and boy were there many! If you know me or have read my blogs, you know I deal with fear quite often and it is the one thing that seems to hold me back from doing what I want to do in this life.
While I let thoughts bounce around in my brain like pinballs, I wondered, What the heck am I so afraid of? Well for starters, what if I don't really have a new or intriguing idea? What if this book goes no further than my hard drive and I've just wasted a lot of time? What if this book is a HUGE hit, what then?? What, if it even gets that far, will critics say about my book? This is like art for me, and like so many artists say, "I'm sensitive about my...stuff!"
And because I'm currently reading "Battlefield of the Mind", which I recommend to EVERYONE, I know that my thoughts can be like a tennis match where the players are Negative vs. Positive. When Negative sends a ball my way, I slam that boy right back! What IF I don't have an intriguing idea? Truth be told, I don't, no one does! Everything under the sun has been written about at one point or another, but that's not my goal - to come up with an original idea - my goal is to help others on their journey to healthy living! And my experience isn't anyone else's AND no one can tell my story the way I can!
Then, what IF this book doesn't go further than my hard drive? Well that's not likely to be the case at all because my loudest cheerleader has the resources to help me polish my work then get it published, so it may not be a bestseller, but it won't just sit on my computer!
What IF it's a HUGE hit? Well, I have a very solid foundation for a home life and I know Babe is in my corner, especially if it means he can take off a little more time because he's not having to support our family alone. I daydream about a book tour on any level, how cool would that be?!
And what will critics say? They'll say what they always say: some good stuff, some not so good stuff. Pay attention to it or don't, but how I react to it is up to me.
I say all of that to say, I'm going to do my part and put in the work to improve my writing and actually write on a schedule Monday through Friday (weekends with kids home just makes focusing too hard for me!). In time I'll have a book of my own, in my own name, published. If I can help just one person reach their goals for a healthy life, all of the procrastination, fear, blood, sweat and tears will ALL be worth it! Please pray for me and this project!
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Monday, October 29, 2012
Girls and Food: An Ah-Ha moment
As I was writing "Girls and Food" I was thinking back over the past year or so about how I portrayed the weight-loss journey to my kids. Because I knew that they were watching, I wanted to be positive about the whole thing: "I want to lose weight to be healthy not skinny" was what I hoped to convey. But then it was brought to my remembrance, "Remember how you pray that your kids never have to deal with all that comes along with needing to lose weight?" And then I thought, "Be careful what you ask for."
Back when Babe and I were trying to get pregnant with our second child, I prayed that God would help me gain the weight I needed to gain for a healthy pregnancy and not have to lose a "ton" of weight on top of what I already needed to lose. Be careful what you ask for. When I found out I was pregnant with Nas, it was maybe a week before I started to get violently ill with morning sickness. I puked up EVERYTHING for most of the pregnancy. I think I could eat and only get queasy the last couple of months or so. Well, in the end I lost 15 pounds from being so sick, and gained 15 pounds during my last trimester. That wasn't exactly what I meant when I asked God to help me keep the weight gain to a minimum. I gained NOTHING during my pregnancy, but boy did I pay for it.
So now that I realize the things I SAY and PRAY need to be paired with statements and prayers of what I DO want for myself and for my kids, I need to stop saying I hope my kids never get fat - basically - and say things like "Please God, help us be parents who raise kids to see food as fuel and not as an emotional crutch or best friend." Because after the last week or so, I realize my daughter agrees, It doesn't pay to get fat. But her way of going about it as an 11 year old is not healthy nor is it rational considering she still has growing to do.
As always, I played my part and although it took a lesson for me to learn how to adjust my thinking, I get it. I am also reminded of an article I read about a woman with cancer who said she struggled all of her life to get the weight off and now there wasn't a thing she could do to maintain a healthy weight because cancer was eating away at her body. I want to be at a healthy weight so I can enjoy life with my family, but when my mind goes to a place that is obsessive I remember the lady with cancer. I remember that this is one of the few times I'll have a captive audience. An audience of two: my kids.
Back when Babe and I were trying to get pregnant with our second child, I prayed that God would help me gain the weight I needed to gain for a healthy pregnancy and not have to lose a "ton" of weight on top of what I already needed to lose. Be careful what you ask for. When I found out I was pregnant with Nas, it was maybe a week before I started to get violently ill with morning sickness. I puked up EVERYTHING for most of the pregnancy. I think I could eat and only get queasy the last couple of months or so. Well, in the end I lost 15 pounds from being so sick, and gained 15 pounds during my last trimester. That wasn't exactly what I meant when I asked God to help me keep the weight gain to a minimum. I gained NOTHING during my pregnancy, but boy did I pay for it.
So now that I realize the things I SAY and PRAY need to be paired with statements and prayers of what I DO want for myself and for my kids, I need to stop saying I hope my kids never get fat - basically - and say things like "Please God, help us be parents who raise kids to see food as fuel and not as an emotional crutch or best friend." Because after the last week or so, I realize my daughter agrees, It doesn't pay to get fat. But her way of going about it as an 11 year old is not healthy nor is it rational considering she still has growing to do.
As always, I played my part and although it took a lesson for me to learn how to adjust my thinking, I get it. I am also reminded of an article I read about a woman with cancer who said she struggled all of her life to get the weight off and now there wasn't a thing she could do to maintain a healthy weight because cancer was eating away at her body. I want to be at a healthy weight so I can enjoy life with my family, but when my mind goes to a place that is obsessive I remember the lady with cancer. I remember that this is one of the few times I'll have a captive audience. An audience of two: my kids.
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Girls and Food
Growing up I had a hard time finding images of women who looked like me. Not only was it rare for me to see Black women in the media, but images of women who weren't a size 2 were almost non-existent. Because of this I think I had a hard time feeling comfortable in my own skin because what my body looked like was not the same as my Mom's or my sister's, so what was wrong with me? I will never forget the first time I saw Janet Jackson's "Nasty" video because I thought, "Well, she looks like me." And heck, to a young girl someone like Janet Jackson having a 'little more to love' made it okay to be the way God made you!
Fast-foward to 2012 when I have my own daughter to help navigate the images of women and the ideas of what we are supposed to look like. Jay has never been fat or overweight, just that little girl chub that seems to come with the territory. Today, she's nowhere near being overweight or even chubby, anywhere, but I think being a size 2 at 11 could seem alluring enough for her to want to hold on to that prepubescent body. After all, the models and even television stars often divulge their size 2 or 4 status and they're grown women. The thing is, Jay isn't done growing and there's no reason to hinder her body's natural progression into womanhood.
But how do you get that concept into a girl who sees heavier girls being made fun of at school? Who has taunts hurled her way like, "Oh she's anorexic!" by the heavier girls. And knows girls her age who have been told, by their mothers no less, that a 500 calorie diet will help them lose weight. I'm supposed to think my motherly advice of 'eat healthy most of the time and enjoy not-so-healthy fare in moderation' is going to drown out the noise of what girls her age are doing? Right.
So when I discovered Jay was not eating much at all during lunch at school, I got concerned. Yes, it's one meal a day that she may skimp on because of the 'girls and food' climate at school, but I think eating disorders start with small things and grow into the kinds of stories we hear in the news about anorexia and bulimia. Now, along with those disorders there's the exercising too much to keep weight steady: Exercise Bulimia.
It was definitely eye-opening when I realized that girls who don't have a weight problem want to make sure to keep it that way, because I was always the girl trying to figure out how to get my body to lose some weight or at least look like other girls my age! Now, I never had an eating disorder (or exercising disorder for that matter) but I know what it's like to be unhappy with what you see in the mirror - I know that scene all to well. So when I was trying to see where on my own weight-loss journey I may have obsessed too much about this or that that may have put an unhealthy seed into Jay's mind about food and her weight, it occurred to me that maybe seeing how hard it has been for me to lose weight was what planted that seed.
Think about it, Why would you put yourself into a position to be overweight when you have witnessed how much work it takes to get even a little weight to budge? If you're already a healthy weight, wouldn't you try to avoid being overweight/obese at all costs?
I don't know where this idea of "eat too much crap and you can dance, run, or stair climb it away" came from, but I know that God is able to guide me in getting Jay back on the path to right thinking when it comes to food and exercise. From what I can tell, she may have just been playing too close to the edge of a disorder and Babe and I shooed her away just in time. But just in the week since we started talking to her about eating well so she can grow healthy and strong, Jay seems to be back on track. As we all know, kids are smart and can get over on their parents. I'm just praying Jay will never see risking her life for the 'ideal' body as an option.
Fast-foward to 2012 when I have my own daughter to help navigate the images of women and the ideas of what we are supposed to look like. Jay has never been fat or overweight, just that little girl chub that seems to come with the territory. Today, she's nowhere near being overweight or even chubby, anywhere, but I think being a size 2 at 11 could seem alluring enough for her to want to hold on to that prepubescent body. After all, the models and even television stars often divulge their size 2 or 4 status and they're grown women. The thing is, Jay isn't done growing and there's no reason to hinder her body's natural progression into womanhood.
But how do you get that concept into a girl who sees heavier girls being made fun of at school? Who has taunts hurled her way like, "Oh she's anorexic!" by the heavier girls. And knows girls her age who have been told, by their mothers no less, that a 500 calorie diet will help them lose weight. I'm supposed to think my motherly advice of 'eat healthy most of the time and enjoy not-so-healthy fare in moderation' is going to drown out the noise of what girls her age are doing? Right.
So when I discovered Jay was not eating much at all during lunch at school, I got concerned. Yes, it's one meal a day that she may skimp on because of the 'girls and food' climate at school, but I think eating disorders start with small things and grow into the kinds of stories we hear in the news about anorexia and bulimia. Now, along with those disorders there's the exercising too much to keep weight steady: Exercise Bulimia.
It was definitely eye-opening when I realized that girls who don't have a weight problem want to make sure to keep it that way, because I was always the girl trying to figure out how to get my body to lose some weight or at least look like other girls my age! Now, I never had an eating disorder (or exercising disorder for that matter) but I know what it's like to be unhappy with what you see in the mirror - I know that scene all to well. So when I was trying to see where on my own weight-loss journey I may have obsessed too much about this or that that may have put an unhealthy seed into Jay's mind about food and her weight, it occurred to me that maybe seeing how hard it has been for me to lose weight was what planted that seed.
Think about it, Why would you put yourself into a position to be overweight when you have witnessed how much work it takes to get even a little weight to budge? If you're already a healthy weight, wouldn't you try to avoid being overweight/obese at all costs?
I don't know where this idea of "eat too much crap and you can dance, run, or stair climb it away" came from, but I know that God is able to guide me in getting Jay back on the path to right thinking when it comes to food and exercise. From what I can tell, she may have just been playing too close to the edge of a disorder and Babe and I shooed her away just in time. But just in the week since we started talking to her about eating well so she can grow healthy and strong, Jay seems to be back on track. As we all know, kids are smart and can get over on their parents. I'm just praying Jay will never see risking her life for the 'ideal' body as an option.
Thursday, October 11, 2012
50 Shades of Dysfunctional Love
This summer I had the pleasure of reading the "50 Shades" trilogy by E.L. James, and because it had some of my favorite story elements: romance and all that entails, a sassy main character, a little mystery, and good writing. Mrs. James wrote the trilogy with plenty of detail to paint a vivid picture without being redundant and sprinkled the passionate love scenes throughout each book in a way that made it a natural progression.
When I first heard of the trilogy the author was on "Good Morning, America" and I was definitely intrigued by the way the books were discussed, sort of a code because it was on television. Plus, I appreciate a good love story and hey, a good sex scene doesn't hurt! So I promptly ordered the first book on my Kindle and started reading.
The first book is slow compared to the latter books, but there's plenty there to keep the reader interested. "50 Shades" is a trilogy about a young woman who falls for a man, Christian Gray, with issues that lead him to find control in every area of his life a necessity, including his sex life. He goes so far as to have women sign Non-Disclosure Agreements stating what goes on between the woman and Christian Gray, stay between them. When you read the book and find out just what kind of kinky sex Gray's into, you'll fully understand why the NDA is needed!
When I first heard of the trilogy the author was on "Good Morning, America" and I was definitely intrigued by the way the books were discussed, sort of a code because it was on television. Plus, I appreciate a good love story and hey, a good sex scene doesn't hurt! So I promptly ordered the first book on my Kindle and started reading.
The first book is slow compared to the latter books, but there's plenty there to keep the reader interested. "50 Shades" is a trilogy about a young woman who falls for a man, Christian Gray, with issues that lead him to find control in every area of his life a necessity, including his sex life. He goes so far as to have women sign Non-Disclosure Agreements stating what goes on between the woman and Christian Gray, stay between them. When you read the book and find out just what kind of kinky sex Gray's into, you'll fully understand why the NDA is needed!
"Curvy Girls" effect
It's a reality show about four women trying to make it in New York City as plus-size models. There's one woman, Lornalitz, who has a beautiful body: curves in just the right places, a little meat just where it should be, and not much jiggling - if you know what I mean. But then there's Ivory who's body would be my ideal build if I had the choice. Ivory has an hour-glass figure that seems to look amazing in almost everything she wears on the show. I'd take Ivory's build with Lornalitz's muscle tone on any given day if I had my druthers!
Now, all that said, I have spent some time trying to work on my body in an effort to get healthy, avoid diabetes, heart disease, and cancers related to obesity. But as I've noticed changes in my body, I had an idea as to what I wanted my body, my temple, to look like. My desire to become certified as a personal trainer led me to think I wanted my body to be well-defined.With much disagreement from Babe and even Nas, I still had my mind set on getting tight all over. Not body builder tight, but defined.
That's not so much the goal at this point. I call it the "Curvy Girls" effect. Being a woman is something I deem a beautiful thing. Not that muscles are for men, to the contrary, I am fully convinced that a body changes dramatically when we build muscle. Women can do cardio until their lungs pop out of their chests, we'll even see weight loss, but when we lift weights we shape our bodies and that is what makes us not just smaller versions of our previous selves, but a more shapely version as well. Now, I know I cannot obtain Lornalitz's body because I'm not built that way, I'm pretty close to straight up and down now, but the womanly assets I do have will not be turned into tight, defined parts. I want to have boobs, I love having thighs and shapely legs, and I want my arms a bit thinner but not overly defined to look less feminine. My shoulders have taken on a very nice femininely squared shape and my butt needs some more lifting, but I like having a little junk to fill out my pants and dresses! I am a woman after all.
So how has this previous mental image of myself and the Curvy Girls image meshed? I just don't want to jiggle. No flab on my arms, none on my stomach - okay, not a six-pack as I'm not interested in such a commitment, but the pooch I had at 18 is more doable. This abdominal situation is no joke so I know that will take some time and weight loss, fat loss! But I'm in it to win it because I like feeling comfortable in my own skin and I feel like I'm closer to that than I've ever been post-babies!
I don't know where this journey (it is definitely a journey!) will take me, but I know that as long as I do my part and keep sending the prayers up because I know from where my strength comes from, God will see me through to whatever He sees fit for my body to be. Lord knows I'm a better me when I feel good about me...aren't we all?
Friday, October 5, 2012
Cooler weather?! Time to BAKE!
A few years ago I decided to replace snacks and goodies we typically bought packaged with homemade things like muffins, desserts, and breakfast staples like pancakes.
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Time for an Affair
On a recent Redbook magazine cover I read, "How to have an affair with your husband". I must say I was intrigued! After all, what about an affair makes it something so many people do? According to Diane Neumann the newness of the 'relationship' is a huge one. It creates excitement, I assume, we all felt when we first started falling for our spouse. You get butterflies when you know you're going to be with him, you smile that goofy grin when she crosses your mind. I get it, we've all been there - on the falling in love part I mean.
Well, recently it occurred to me that I miss my husband. But he's not in the military on assignment, he doesn't travel extensively for work, and he's alive and well - praise God. No, Babe works full-time nearby and is home most of the time for dinner and helps me with the kids and their after school "stuff". He's a great dad and just the kind of husband I need. So why do I miss him?
That's easy. Since school started at the end of August we have been running ourselves ragged to get the kids to their respective extracurricular activities. We also hit the Back to School nights mixed in with track meets, twice a week, and football practices, three times a week and a game on Saturday. Babe and I are SPENT! We used to spend time together after the kids go to bed, and although we are still together come 8 p.m., one of us is typically too tired to do much more than pass out in bed.
So it's time for US to have an affair. In honor of said affair, I suggested to Babe we celebrate surviving August to November (track and football season) by taking two nights away from home, kid free, just for US. Maybe stay downtown, eat out, laugh and talk, just enjoy being married - and happily so. He agreed, and I can't wait!
Marriage requires daily care, but when you throw kids into the mix - and active kids to boot - it is easy to neglect the one you love most. I know we're both tired, but we have one month left of football games and practices, so hopefully we can use our time wisely til we get to sneak away and have our very own love affair.
Well, recently it occurred to me that I miss my husband. But he's not in the military on assignment, he doesn't travel extensively for work, and he's alive and well - praise God. No, Babe works full-time nearby and is home most of the time for dinner and helps me with the kids and their after school "stuff". He's a great dad and just the kind of husband I need. So why do I miss him?
That's easy. Since school started at the end of August we have been running ourselves ragged to get the kids to their respective extracurricular activities. We also hit the Back to School nights mixed in with track meets, twice a week, and football practices, three times a week and a game on Saturday. Babe and I are SPENT! We used to spend time together after the kids go to bed, and although we are still together come 8 p.m., one of us is typically too tired to do much more than pass out in bed.
So it's time for US to have an affair. In honor of said affair, I suggested to Babe we celebrate surviving August to November (track and football season) by taking two nights away from home, kid free, just for US. Maybe stay downtown, eat out, laugh and talk, just enjoy being married - and happily so. He agreed, and I can't wait!
Marriage requires daily care, but when you throw kids into the mix - and active kids to boot - it is easy to neglect the one you love most. I know we're both tired, but we have one month left of football games and practices, so hopefully we can use our time wisely til we get to sneak away and have our very own love affair.
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Run baby, RUN!!
As many women can relate, I wear many, many hats! I am a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister. I am nurse, hair stylist, cook, housekeeper, driver, meal planner, shopper, researcher, tutor, and finder of all things. This past August, Jay started running track at her middle school and not only am I a football and dance Mom, but I've added track Mom to my resume as well.
Jay started out with a couple of weeks of track practice after school, four days a week. I figured, she's fast and it's something she will enjoy - plus the added bonus of keeping her fit. So on the day of the first track meet I helped her ensure she had everything she needed - I've learned a LOT since that first meet! - and we met her at the away team's school. Babe and I got settled in to watch the races Jay ran, the 800 meter relay, 200 meter, and 400 meter. The relay went well, nothing spectacular although they did win second place.
Then Jay was set to run the 400 meter race and I had the camera ready to record. Not long after that LOUD gun fired signaling the beginning of the race did I spot MY daughter several meters ahead of the other girls.
"Is THAT JAY?!?!" I asked Babe. I think he was just as surprised as I was at how fast our little Jay-Baby had taken off.
With the first person behind her crossing the finish line awhile behind her, Jay finished in first place! I was amazed at how fast that little girl of ours could run! Heck, I knew she was fast - she always has been - but that was lighting fast!
Jay continued to win races, mostly first place, a second place, and a third in districts along with two first place wins. I was so proud of her: she worked hard, persevered when homework started to get time consuming, and she fulfilled her commitment.
Now that "J-Bolt" can hang up her sneakers for the season, I realize how much I learned from becoming a track Mom, because like in most things there is always something to be learned!
* Track is a sport where spectators spend a lot of time WAITING. Always have a book or magazine handy for all of that time spent sitting around.
* Plenty of water and a healthy carb snack for the runner should be available - don't expect the kid to remember because she won't.
* Bring chairs or a blanket to sit on because, well, refer to the first bullet point.
* If you must bring younger siblings, be sure to have snacks for them to enjoy and plenty of things to keep them busy. Otherwise they will bug you to DEATH. And again, track is a sport where you spend a lot of time waiting.
* Our season was from August to late September, so a hoodie and sweats were packed on cooler days in case she got chilly. That said, also have jackets for spectators in your group and even a small blanket was helpful. Be prepared for anything the weather may bring: umbrellas for rain or too much sun, sunscreen, sunglasses, etc.
* If you are the family Mamarazzi or Paparazzi be sure to have all of your cameras charged up and ready for the events! Trust me, you'll be sorry if you miss it!
Jay started out with a couple of weeks of track practice after school, four days a week. I figured, she's fast and it's something she will enjoy - plus the added bonus of keeping her fit. So on the day of the first track meet I helped her ensure she had everything she needed - I've learned a LOT since that first meet! - and we met her at the away team's school. Babe and I got settled in to watch the races Jay ran, the 800 meter relay, 200 meter, and 400 meter. The relay went well, nothing spectacular although they did win second place.
Then Jay was set to run the 400 meter race and I had the camera ready to record. Not long after that LOUD gun fired signaling the beginning of the race did I spot MY daughter several meters ahead of the other girls.
"Is THAT JAY?!?!" I asked Babe. I think he was just as surprised as I was at how fast our little Jay-Baby had taken off.
With the first person behind her crossing the finish line awhile behind her, Jay finished in first place! I was amazed at how fast that little girl of ours could run! Heck, I knew she was fast - she always has been - but that was lighting fast!
Jay continued to win races, mostly first place, a second place, and a third in districts along with two first place wins. I was so proud of her: she worked hard, persevered when homework started to get time consuming, and she fulfilled her commitment.
Now that "J-Bolt" can hang up her sneakers for the season, I realize how much I learned from becoming a track Mom, because like in most things there is always something to be learned!
* Track is a sport where spectators spend a lot of time WAITING. Always have a book or magazine handy for all of that time spent sitting around.
* Plenty of water and a healthy carb snack for the runner should be available - don't expect the kid to remember because she won't.
* Bring chairs or a blanket to sit on because, well, refer to the first bullet point.
* If you must bring younger siblings, be sure to have snacks for them to enjoy and plenty of things to keep them busy. Otherwise they will bug you to DEATH. And again, track is a sport where you spend a lot of time waiting.
* Our season was from August to late September, so a hoodie and sweats were packed on cooler days in case she got chilly. That said, also have jackets for spectators in your group and even a small blanket was helpful. Be prepared for anything the weather may bring: umbrellas for rain or too much sun, sunscreen, sunglasses, etc.
* If you are the family Mamarazzi or Paparazzi be sure to have all of your cameras charged up and ready for the events! Trust me, you'll be sorry if you miss it!
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