Helicopter Mom

If memory serves, I heard the term "Helicopter Mom" not long after having birthed Nas. But when I hear my friend say that she is indeed a "Helicopter Mom" I have to laugh because she most definitely is! In her defense her kids are newly six and almost two - so they're young. But I'm the kind of Mom who has to fight the urge to hover over my kids, and Babe's words often play in my head "Let them play, they're fine!" Yeah, easy for YOU to say, DAD! I truly believe Dads parent differently than Moms do - which is probably why God's design was for kids to be raised by two parents. So while I'm battling my "smother mother" tendencies, he's able to glance up from time to time to be sure no one has been injured. Or he allows the youngest to lag several feet behind but, "He's FINE, I know where he IS!"

While flipping through my "Heart and Soul" magazine I ran across an article that suggested ways to allow kids to gain independence. None of the tips were over the top, but I definitely started thinking about how I can take yet another step back so the kids can continue to spread their wings - not too far, just far enough for their ages! I believe kids should become independent throughout their lives, 18 is no time to expect them to succeed when no foundation has been laid! So today I'm allowing them to walk home by themselves. Just typing those words makes my stomach sink. But...Jay is 10 and in fifth grade and Nas is seven in first grade. Initially I met Nas at his class line after school. Babe thought that was silly. So after a few weeks I had Jay grab Nas from his class line and I'd meet them after they crossed the street with the help of crossing guards. After another few weeks I told them, "Even if you don't see me, keep walking toward home." Thinking I was easing them into walking home just the two of them. So I guess today is the day. I ran it by Babe (and my Mom!) because they are his kids too, and he said, "Uh, YEAH!" I'm so thankful he balances me, we can't both be crazy!

That's my latest step toward helping the kids gain independence. The book offered 15 tips to allowing your kids to spread their wings:

This year at Thanksgiving

For me, Thanksgivings past have been spent in full-on PIG OUT mode. There are so many delicious options and so much of them that it was just a time for me to enjoy myself - I was in comfort mode. Comfort, I've noticed, is often paired with food for me. When Babe and I catch up on television shows we'll sit on the couch and I'll have to have something to eat - just the two of us in the quiet of our home (kids are in bed!) makes me feel so comfortable and cozy that it only makes sense that food be brought into the equation!

Dressing, baked macaroni and cheese, mashed potatoes, rolls, greens, pound cake, sweet potato pie - oh my! Lay that out in front of me Thanksgivings past and I would have easily consumed 3,000 calories in ONE meal. I'd be sure to hit it again on the Friday after - another 2,000+ calories in one sitting. Well this year at Thanksgiving things were different.

In August I started using the website myfitnesspal and I've learned a lot about myself and my eating habits since then. I've lost some weight and week after week I'm closer to my goal. So this "Turkey Day" I woke up and took some deep breaths before the festivities started, I didn't want any setbacks because of the holiday. I did a short but quality workout, used the website to enter the food I planned on eating with our family and friends - including drinks and dessert - and I knew that as long as I stuck to that plan I would stay within the day's calorie budget. I also planned on doing some "Just Dance" songs with the kids, a little exercise is good for everyone and every little bit helps!

So I ate what I planned on, except for the apple pie and vanilla ice cream I thought I'd want, and found that I can be in a comfortable setting (family and friends) and not have to overeat to seal the deal. We ate, cleaned up a bit, danced with the kids, then just hung out. Nothing about all the food in the kitchen said I had to be eating all day just because. THAT was new for me!

If nothing else I'm finding that the weight-loss website is teaching me so much, but most of all I am learning that all it takes is a little planning. Whether I'm going to the movies with the girls, eating out with Babe, shopping with my besty, or sitting down to a huge meal on Thanksgiving - planning will make all the difference in the world...and on the scale!

Plugged In

Lately I've been a bit distracted by some extended family stuff going on, and I've learned that when I'm distracted I tend to zone out. Yep, the very thing I nag Babe about, I find myself doing when my mind is focused elsewhere.

When distracted, I can find a zillion things to Google, even if it is useful information (possible Christmas gifts for the kids), my time could be better used hanging with the kids or doing the inevitable sink full of dishes. But no. My distracted mind finds itself pacified by constant texting about, well, nothing. Or I get on the computer and check my email, read different blogs I enjoy, see what's happening on My Fitness Pal and Facebook, and I even found myself trying to figure out how to create a DVD of Nas' football games. Meanwhile, my kids are relaxing doing the things they enjoy.

Now Babe would say, "They don't care, they just want to do them." But I noticed when the Blackberry did its "text message" alert for the umpteenth time, Jay glanced over at me and thought, "Just WAIT til I can text - I won't even need the English language anymore 'cuz I won't say a WORD to any of you!" I know Jay, I can almost guarantee that was her exact thought.

So I turned my phone to "silent", I put away the magazine, I forced myself to plug in to whatever the kids were doing - I had to force myself to be PRESENT. Now, in my defense I don't zone out often, almost never. But this past weekend was hard on me mentally, which meant everything else was out of whack. Typically I try to do my computer business in the morning before we all get moving or, really, before the kids are fully conscious, that way it's done. I get on later in the day to log my daily food - but other than that, I'm all theirs.

What I wonder is, what must it be like for kids whose parents are ALWAYS unplugged? Constantly distracted by whatever might be going on in their world. I know it irks me to no end when Babe is distracted by all things electronic (or athletic) because it feels like he'd rather be left alone to do his thing. Sometimes that is necessary, but for a full weekend? No. Again, I have high standards for my family and being unplugged for an extended period of time is unfair to those witnessing the incessant activity that doesn't involve them.

So I have tonight, tomorrow, Thanksgiving, Friday, and the weekend to make it up to my kids and Mama's gonna do it up - because although I know they need their time alone like adults do, they still want their parents to plug into their lives, especially when they're out of school. And I'm going to enjoy it because there will come a time, all too soon, when all they'll want is to be left alone.

What are you Thankful for?

'Tis the season to be grateful! I tend to enjoy the holidays, in theory, once all of the food is purchased for the Thanksgiving Day dinner. Baking, cooking, and preparing for family and friends to rest their feet under our table excites me about the holiday. And as long as I keep a running To-Do list so it's not mayhem come Wednesday night, I tend to feel happy about Thanksgiving Day approaching!

This year we're going to start a little tradition at our house. And with the big day just 10 days away, this year's tradition will be the smallest of the years, but better late than never! My friend and I were talking about how an ungrateful spirit is the most frustrating when it comes to our kids. Especially considering all that their parents do for them! So in jest I told her she should have her son sit down every day and write one thing he is thankful for.

"That's a really good idea!" She replied. As I thought about it I had to agree.
"Yeah, I think we'll do that with our kids too! Plus, it's almost Thanksgiving!"
"Then we can have their words presented on Power Point for everyone to see before we eat on Thanksgiving!" She added. That was really funny because I can just see her putting a presentation together on the computer - she's not the most tech-savvy, we both agreed! Plus, who wants to do that kind of thing ON Thanksgiving BEFORE dinner? Yeah, no.

So this is how my family's newest tradition was born. Today when the kids get home I will have a notebook of paper for each of them to write "I am thankful for...." They will do this every day until Thanksgiving and we will have them add to it starting November 1st each year until they are no longer bound by their mother's "you will be grateful" plan. Kids are kids, we all have been there, but I know that if it wasn't planted in me as a child to be thankful for all of God's blessings in my life it would be hard to grasp even as an adult. So this should be a fun, easy way for the kids to be reminded of all that we have and all those we love.

Disney: Round TWO!

In August 2009, Babe and I packed up the fam and headed West to embark upon uncharted territory for all four of us. We were parents of an 8 year old and a 4 year old back then, and it was our first time visiting Disneyland. I was beyond giddy, as was Nas. Babe and Jay aren't the "giddy" types, but they seemed happy enough. It was so much fun, our trip exceeded my most extravagant dreams because Disney obvious

Logistically speaking

My daughter is under a lot of stress this week. Jay is in fifth grade this year and, to an extent understandably, the teachers are working toward getting the kids ready for the rigors of middle school. Some of their tactics are a bit extreme, in my opinion, but okay.

Jay has a book report-style presentation due today. She has a science test after lunch today. And tomorrow is her spelling test. Thankfully, last year she had a project due that she ended up cranking out in half the time she was allotted. That taught her to make better use of the time she has to complete her work. So she's been working on her presentation for about a week now, it's ready, she's ready. Jay doesn't think she is good at science, so that alone makes it harder for her to absorb what she is learning and studying.

Last night she finished her project and practiced her presentation a couple of times for me so we could work out any bugs. Then she went on to study her science definitions. It amazes me how often I find myself teaching Jay the strategies I learned in school to help her manage stress and anxiety - both of which I experienced a lot of as a student. It seems teaching her these strategies is just as important as the myriad lessons I find myself teaching her on a daily basis.

On her way out the door this morning she told me, "I have my presentation this morning then my science test later. THEN, tomorrow I have my spelling test!"

"Okay, let's take care of what we have to do today - we will study for spelling tonight after school. Say a prayer before your presentation, then again before science and take a deep breath. You'll do great," I told her.

Jay is easily overwhelmed, which I can relate to. But knowing that breaking the to-do list into manageable pieces has helped me all of my life, especially in school. School comes to her easier than it ever did for me, but it is nice to know that I can help her navigate the logistics of her rigorous school work. If there is one thing I am, it's analytical to a fault. I guess some annoying traits do pay off.

The love of the game

Last spring Babe asked Nas if he was ready to start playing flag football with an organization in our area. Initially, Nas seemed all about it! He was excited and looking forward to learning the sport. But as we talked about it more and more over the course of that week, I noticed Nas didn't seem quite as into it as he first did.

"Do you want to play football?" I asked. After all, I am not one to pay for the kids to do anything extra if they don't want to!
"No...I don't know how to play football," he said.
"That's why you start playing! So you can learn how the game works. You're not going to be good at anything unless you start somewhere," I told him.
"I want to learn how to play first." His mother's child.

Who wants to be completely clueless about anything, especially if the other kids have played before or just generally know more than Nas does? I understood. I don't like being thrown into new experiences if I can avoid it. Nas knew he could avoid this one.

"Babe, he wants to know what to do, at least basics I'm sure, before he starts with a team," I enlightened my dear husband who is nothing like me personality-wise.
"Okay, I'll work with him," Babe said.

After taking a "season" off - as my Mom would say - to work with Babe, Nas knew what to expect on the football field when he started playing in September. As I have mentioned here before, Nas is even good at flag football. It's like the coach tells him to grab flags, and that is just what the kid does. Coach tells him to run the ball into the end zone, and well, you get the picture.

What was new for us last week was when Nas asked me, "Mommy, if football players do good do they get taken out of the game?" I knew where this was coming from.
Obviously everyone needs to get a chance to play, so the coach rotates the kids in and out of the game really well, in my opinion. But after a touch down or a couple of pulled flags, Nas gets taken out - and he clearly didn't understand why.

"Baby, the other kids need a chance to learn the game and play, too," I told him. "You didn't do anything bad when the coach pulls you out, and he's not punishing you for being a good player, he just has other kids that need to get in the game like you did."

That didn't do it. And that was evident at last week's game. I knew Nas was getting frustrated with how things were going - the younger kids weren't "getting it done" when he knew he could, but the coach only let him run it once. The score was largely in Nas's team's favor so why not let the other kids take a shot at running the ball? I got it - Nas? Not so much.

Frustration led to tears when Babe asked his coach to explain all of this to Nas. It's a team sport and our son needs to learn to be a team player - now is as good a time as any. This lesson for him is going to take some time, but it is a good stepping stone.

Not Good Enough?

Please enjoy a 'throwback' entry from Motherhood: Take 1 Published Sat., June 16, 2007

When you were a child what did you want to be when you grew up? Only recently did the answer to the question come to me and it's funny because I'm living out my childhood dream. When I was young I wanted to be a "housewife" and writer. Although I am still working out the kinks in my writing, I'm on my way and I've been a homemaker for about four years now.

So why didn't I want to be a doctor, a lawyer, a firefighter? My dad suggested I become a corporate lawyer when I was about six or seven, I agreed because anything daddy thought was good for me surely had to be. But as I got older, like eight, I thought it was so comforting to have my aunt around much of the time I spent in Indiana over summer breaks. She baked, took us to the park, and talked to me while we sat in the car waiting for my cousin to finish piano lessons. That, I thought, was the life and I wanted that life for myself and my family.

But I find it funny that when a woman wants to be a mother and wife and take care of home, she's short-changing herself. What's so wrong with me being here to raise my kids all day every day? Well, I know what's wrong with it on those especially insane days. But women who work full-time seem to think it a waste for me to stay home with my kids. Ask most mothers what their most rewarding job has ever been and I'll bet you two shiny nickels they'll say it's motherhood. So isn't ironic that too many moms think I'm lazy or unmotivated when I tell them I'm an at-home mom. What the hell screams lazy or unmotivated about taking care of kids 24/7? Working moms work all day, then come home to care for the kids and the house...we both have a lot to do I just do your weekend and evening job ALL day every day!

So yes, when I was a child I wanted to grow up and take care of my family. And now, that's just what I'm doing. If a woman, a mother, can knock that...then knock on sister.

Coffee Chat

The other day while I was reading content on one of my favorite sites I stumbled upon an article called, "Coffee Chat with LaLa Anthony". Because Carmelo Anthony is one of my top five favorite basketball players, I have taken to keeping up with his wife's television shows and whatever info I might read about the couple. This was no different. I read the article, however un-coffee-chat-like it may have seemed (the story just didn't feel conversational) and it occurred to me that I love a Coffee Chat!! Having a name for it made it all the more fun.

Typically, my Mom and I will have coffee and chat on the phone about nothing and everything. It was easier last school year when the kids were off to school a bit earlier, but we still do what we can when we can. My parents will be working on a missions assignment in Congo for two years beginning at the end of this year, and these Coffee Chats will be so very missed.

Other times, when my best friend is off on Mondays, we will meet at a coffee shop for our own version of a Coffee Chat. We typically make sure everyone in our household is doing well and find out about their goings on. Then we get to our own personal stuff and from there, who knows where it will head! Our Coffee Chats can last up to four hours - in which case Babe wonders what on Earth we have to talk about for so long - but that time with my besty is time well-spent. It's better than therapy for me because she knows me. She needs no back story on my 'issues', she knows my quirks well enough to know why my 'issues' are my 'issues'. This is the kind of friend who knows my silly personality well enough to know how to make me laugh when really, all I want to do is cry.

If more people engaged in Coffee Chats, the world just might be a better place. In my world, I know that the women closest to me are all-in for some girl time, laughter, even the not-so-pretty stuff when we can sit down together for something as simple as a cup of coffee.

Drama queen at 4:00

My daughter is a beautiful girl. She is smart, likes to help out (typically), loves fashion and dance. Jay is serious like her Dad and things come fairly easily to her, they always have. There are things about my daughter that I love and things I, just, don't.

Lately I have found myself suffering from extreme tension in my neck and shoulders that quickly instigates a headache. Oddly, this happens at the same time every. single. day. At 3:30, I make my way to a playground near the kids' school where I wait for Jay to escort her brother from school. By 3:50, the kids have washed their hands and are having a snack. Soon after, Nas is off running around, as he can't stand to do his homework before 4:30, and Jay is at the table having a snack as she begins her homework. THIS is when the headache ensues.

I am happy to help my kids with their homework. But Jay has decided that drama must be part of the homework experience for her. She whines. She sings. She pouts about how long it is taking her to finish. She yells at her brother for God. knows. what. I try to help her only to be told, basically, I don't know what I'm talking about. Really? I am no Algebra whiz, but I still know the basics! Did I mention that headache? That 4:00 headache? Yeah, that is courtesy of Jay.

My little girl is transforming, quickly, into what I've envisioned a teenage daughter to be: an emotional train-wreck. I don't know if we're approaching "that special time we girls have" or not, but if this is how things continue after school one of us is GONNA need a drink.

It's hard not to...

Wednesday mornings have been devoted to volunteering in my son's first grade class. I really enjoy being in the classroom because I do some things that don't involve the kids, but I do get to interact with the kids from time to time. The teacher even allows me to test some of the kids on what they know in, say, reading, so she knows what level each child is at. The first time I took a few kids out of the class for a "test" I was shocked!

The first kids were advanced, but nothing "shocking". Then when another child came in for his "test" I could barely keep up with the kid because the kid was reading the words SO FAST!! I was...shocked!

"What the crap?!" I was thinking. "How the heck does this kid KNOW all this!?!"

Baffled, I walked back home with this kid's advanced reading skills weighing heavily on my mind. See, I'm the kinda girl who sees a problem, then immediately starts devising a plan to fix it. Nas is a first grader, in the same class as the advanced kid, obviously, but he's probably right where he should be in all subjects. He doesn't read his sister's 5th grade books, he can't spell 3rd grade words, Nas can't multiply, and he doesn't recognize Pi.

I could've gone on and on in my head about what Nas can't do academically, but it seemed far more productive to go over what he can do and how we at home can help him with his weaknesses. Nas is his mother's child in that he is a strong writer - and he loves writing. He catches on to math concepts quickly, first grade math concepts to be sure. Nas also caught on to reading fairly easily and doesn't just love reading, but he's at a good place as a first grader.

It is so hard not to compare your kids to other kids their age. I know I've done it since Jay was born, but soon learned every child is so different that this is not a good way to measure ability of any kind. But I even find that I compare Jay and Nas - Nas more so to Jay at his age, but in a word it's just not FAIR to do this. Jay has always been advanced. She rolled over at two months, got teeth early, walked at nine months, has read a grade level or so higher since she started reading, she's just always done things early and overall, well. Nas has done some things early, but his resume does not read like his sister's does.

So what? As long as Nas is learning, is at least at grade-level, and behaves the way he is expected to at school, it's all good. Even his social issues have generally dissipated, which was a huge concern for me when he was younger. And every time I interact with the super reader in Nas's class I hear my Mom saying to me, "When everyone else learns it, you'll already know it. So what?" Being advanced in academics presents its own problems, I know this first hand where Jay is concerned, but we all have our strong suits which cannot, and should not, be compared.

It seems I'm growing up

Today is my 33rd birthday. I'm sure everyone reflects on years gone by and the wonderful years ahead, but as I take inventory of my life right now, from where I sit, my life is really, really good. And I am ever-so thankful for my loving family, a supportive husband who I still love hanging out with, and for my health. Which is what I've taken notice of more today than I have on any other September 21.

In early August I started using a weight-loss site, My Fitness Pal, and it has changed the way I see food - hopefully - forever. See, I've always been a big girl, even as a kid, so I have spent a lot (too much) of my life trying to lose weight. Well, this site is so basic, so easy, but it has taught me to see food as a means to get through the day. I can either get through the day tired and grouchy, or I can eat well and get through the day with energy! This little website has showed me that I can control what I look and feel like based on knowing what I should be eating and how much. It doesn't expect anything of me, accept logging my food daily. There are no meal plans, no shakes, no pills, no weird diets, nothing. I can use my calories for the day on whole pizzas, or I can eat sensibly. It's up to me, period. And that kind of control + results, for me = a GOOD health plan!

It occurred to me while I was logging my food for the day thus far that I don't live to eat, but rather I eat to live, and that has been my goal for many, many years. I enjoy food, don't get me wrong, but with a plan I know that I can not only enjoy food, but also work toward my goal weight at the same time! What a novel idea. It makes me wonder: If after a month and a half I have learned this much about myself and my body, what might I gain (and lose!) on my journey to health come my 34th birthday? I can't say, but I look forward to learning every day for the next year and the years to come.

And I thought I hated football!

Back in 2003, Babe and I decided that we should have one more baby to make ours a family of four. Come October 2004, we welcomed our 6 pound 10 ounce baby boy and I was over the moon about it! I grew up with a sister, so I knew that dynamic well enough to want to experience something different as a mother. A girl and a boy seemed perfect!
Nas has been all boy since he was old enough to display 'boyish' traits, so when he took to throwing balls, I didn't think much of it. But because Babe is so into sports, I knew basketball would surely be in the cards - heck, I love basketball, I figured our son would too! Fast-forward to Nas at age five.
"Don't you want to play basketball?" I ask, hopeful.
"No, basketball's boring!" Nas informed me.
Instead, my son, the one I nurtured inside me for nine long months, kept safe from sick people and dirty kids (even his sister!), and breastfed every 30 minutes because he felt the need to cluster-feed, wanted to play FOOTBALL. I tried to debate this from every angle. But Babe wasn't buying, so of course Nas wasn't buying! Later, Babe thought "easing" me into the football thing with flag football might work. I bought.
Needless to say, I'm the proud football mom to the Eagles' number 18. Nas is just starting out, so he's playing flag football, but I'm pretty sure he will want to start playing the real deal soon enough - why wouldn't he, the kid is a natural! What mom doesn't think their kid is the greatest? Sure, but MINE pulls flags like no other on his team! MINE runs from end zone to end zone with little or no effort - TOUCHDOWN! MINE even loves it when his Mommy is cheering (LOUDLY) on the sidelines! Oh, well, not that last one so much. At least he doesn't ACT like he loves it.
I know a few moms who don't think football is the best sport for a kid to play, but if football is what my son would like to do for now, or into the coming years, it is his choice to make. All I can do is provide the safety precautions, say a prayer that God will keep my baby and all the other mothers' babies safe...and cheer on the Eagles and number 18 like I'm their number one fan - because, well, I AM!

My refusal to overschedule

Before the kids were old enough to choose activities outside of our house to get involved in, I would hear about parents shuttling their kids here there and everywhere. Back then, I vowed that would not be our lifestyle. I wanted our kids to have dinner at the kitchen table with their parents, enjoy riding their bikes when the weather permitted, and even a television show or two before bedtime. In my opinion, all that running around for various extracurricular activities would quickly eliminate this "down time".

It's funny what you'll "refuse" to do before you are knee-deep in the trenches of whatever you are swearing off. Now that my kids are in fifth and first grades, it seems they have ideas about what their lives should look like - shocker! Jay would dance five hours a week, run with the Jogging Club on Friday mornings before school, attend Student Council meetings, have weekend sleepovers, be part of Yearbook Club, and put in the effort her parents expect of her in school. Phew! Just typing all that gets me winded! Nas on the other hand is just getting his feet wet and is happy to be a Cub Scout where meetings convene on Tuesday nights, and play flag football with his fellow Eagles on Saturday mornings.

Before school even started I knew Jay would have a long list of "to-dos" in mind, so I knew that in keeping with my commitment to my family, the reigns would have to be a little tighter on my social go-getter. If I didn't she would surely burn out before Christmas Break!! Not only that, I'm simply not the mom who is willing to shuttle the kids all over town for their "stuff", call it lazy, call it what you will, I'm just not that mom! To keep things "balanced" (don't you just love that unrealistic concept?) I did not allow Jay to take Jazz this school year. That required an extra hour, on top of her 2 hours of weekly dance. She won't be taking any classes on Saturdays at her favorite dance studio either which would add two more hours to her dancing per week, it's just too much for her.

To tame the craziness that my life could be with two children, I decided to let Saturday be our busy day: We do Nas's football stuff, any shopping for the kids, evening church service, Jay's ballet recital rehearsals, whatever must be done outside of the house - we do on Saturday. Come Sunday, we rest. We enjoy a leisurely "brunch" as a family, then the kids can do whatever they want - play with friends or do their own thing, there are no real commitments happening on Sunday.

The kids getting older has required me to adjust to maintain order for my family, because there are some things that are just non-negotiable. Family time and down time are two 'non-negotiables' for me and so far this system is working.


How do you keep your family life sane as the kids get older?

Back in the swing of things

Summer vacation as we know it has come to an end. Jay headed off to her 5th grade class yesterday, while Nas started his first day of 1st grade. The first day of school requires some planning, if you're like me, otherwise it will be a very chaotic morning - and chaos and I do not get along. So after I packed as much of their lunches as I could on Sunday night, it was time to iron their clothes for the big day! Oh, and showers, straighten Jay's hair, then off to bed by 7:30. Just preparing for the first morning back was a marathon. But we got it done.

That Monday morning was a breeze, thankfully, because I know that sending kids to school all discombobulated is unfair so I really try to keep craziness to a minimum. The kids were excited, looked awfully cute, and had their oversize grocery bags filled with school supplies. Babe and I got them to their lines - fifth grade already? First grade really? - and left the kids with their teachers.

Usually, it is this time that, for me, the tears begin to flow. But not this year! I was excited for the kids and excited for what is ahead for me as well!! Life is going to get fun and fancy free for this 7-year-veteran stay-at-home mom! At least for the first semester. Back at home I have plenty of household projects to take care of - the first day back consisted of, among other things, cleaning Nas's closet! It didn't take too long, but when I came across a sleeper he wore during his first week home I was reminded of just how quickly the kids grow. I couldn't believe that the same first grade boy I'd just dropped off at school fit that tiny blue outfit just six years before!

My favorite motherhood quote these days has been, "The days are long, but the years are short." It took me hours to prepare the kids for their first day back at school, but they'll be looking second grade and middle school in the eye in no time. Here's to a really great school year!

Having a son reminds me, daily, that I really am a "tomboy".

A Child of God

When I discovered that there was a tiny human being growing inside of me, I quickly realized that he or she was a gift from God. From that moment on I have prayed for my firstborn daily, often times several times a day. Jay is 10 years old now and as her Mom I wonder what she'll be like when she's an adult: what she'll ultimately choose to do for a living, if we'll be close the way my Mom and I are, who she'll marry - if she so chooses, and if she'll have kids. Will she become an incredible adult version of the girl I am so accustomed to being around as a child?

Growing up the child and grandchild of pastors, God has always been a part of my life. This, of course, has been something I wanted to be true for my kids as well. On April 22, 2001, Jay was Christened by my Dad - a day I will never forget. Jay was picture-perfect in the white cap and gown my Aunt Marie made from a dress my Grandmother wore. Our family was there and Babe and I were proud to dedicate our little piece of heaven back to God. This was our choice for our child and it was a special day!

On May 15 of this year, Jay chose to give her own life to God through baptism. For Christian parents this is BIG! This was solely Jay's choice and I'm sure her proud Grandfather - my Dad - was happy to oblige!

Whatever Jay decides to do in this life: college, career, husband, children, travel, to be all she can be, none of it matters without a relationship with God. She is in the early stages of Christianity now, learning who God is and why a life without Him can be a hopeless one. My prayer for my daughter continues to be that she would learn and grow in her relationship with God. Just as I learned from my Grandmother - No one else can give you a relationship with God, not your pastor father or grandfather, nor your strong Christian mother or grandmother. I had to learn to trust and love God for myself, I pray Jay does the same throughout her life. I praise God she's on the right path!

Back to Germs...er, School

My kids have been home from school for summer break since early June. Since becoming an adult I have taken a great liking to summer time for many reasons, but since having school-age kids HEALTH have become one of them!

During the school year Jay is pretty healthy, aside from allergy-induced illnesses. She's suffered from allergies since she was an infant, and the stress and rigors of her daily life tend to make her allergies exponentially worse. Jay tends to escape the cooties passed around at school, but when she does catch something, her allergy-related symptoms seem to make said bug even worse for her! She tends to do better with a "Mental Health" day here and there just to help take the edge off because she is a pretty intense kid anyway - where school is concerned, even more so.

As a kindergartner, Nas went to school two full days and a half, so I would venture to say he wasn't exposed to as many bugs as he will be this school year, but he was out of school once with a bug a bunch of other kids seemed to have. Aside from that he was pretty healthy. Hopefully the same will hold true for his first grade year.

I try hard to ensure the kids to their part in keeping healthy: washing their hands often (especially before snack and lunch times), keep them home when they are sick, free time to play/relax after school, bedtime no later than 7:45 p.m., and less sugar, more fruit and vegetables. Exercise and healthy foods help bugs pass through the system faster (read: POOP!), which is very important to me. Don't let the bugs linger in their gut and you're good money! I also use disinfectant wipes on common household items every week, even more when a bug is going around, and I leave the windows open for a little daily circulation.

Apparently I'm not the only one thinking "GERMS" as we near the last week of August, Native Remedies published a blog entry about ways to keep kids healthy this school year. Herbal supplements are advised along with many of the tips I've incorporated over the years - I found it funny that their blog also mentioned frequency of poop as a immunity booster.

No one likes to be sick, and as a parent I dislike it even more when my kids are sick, so do the best you can for your kids and I'll do the same...Read: Don't have your kid coughing on mine and I'll try to ensure the same!!

The Gift of Dance

When I was good and pregnant with Jay - maybe six or seven months along - Babe and I would get in bed to watch television and catch a glimpse of our unborn baby in action. It was always around 11 p.m. when I could lay on my back and Jay would start moving. She would move so much that it looked like she was just kicking here and there then she'd make a ripple across my belly. It was kind of creepy, but pretty cool at the same time.

Back then I said our baby was playing soccer. We didn't know our baby's gender before we met her in February, and we definitely didn't know her personality - but she got very lively when we listened to music and during her 11 p.m. show. Maybe she has been dancing since she was in the womb? What I dubbed Jay playing soccer was actually my baby girl practicing what would later become plies, jumps, and fluid poses at the barre.

I've said it time and time again: I danced around her nursery to the then-latest Jennifer Lopez CD when I was pregnant with her and prayed the baby growing inside me would dance. Today, we took her to Cleo Parker Robinson's dance studio for a ballet class and I was reminded of the days I carried her inside of me. I was reminded that the beautiful ballerina on the other side of the glass door separating us was blessed with the gift of dance. It is a gift I pray she makes full use of because it is when she dances that Jay is most alive.

If I can feel the joy in her every move, whether she's doing ballet or choreographing a dance to the newest Beyonce song, I wonder what the piece of heaven is like that Jay is transported to when she is utilizing the beautiful gift God gave her: the Gift of Dance.

Birthday Party Remix?

For me, birthdays are a very special time! I mean, heck, you only get ONE birthday a year - so my thinking is you have to do it up! But after planning, hosting, and paying for 16 parties as a mom of two, I'm beginning to think a slightly less "grand" birthday celebrating mentality might be a good idea to consider.

I've put together parties with themes from Tweety Bird to princesses to Transformers to costume parties for our pumpkin baby (October 30). So I feel Babe and I have done our share of celebrating with the kids plus their 5-10 best buddies. We've done our part as the host/hostess and now I'm ready to put my party planner hat in the back of a drawer.

This Mama has decided that because we'll be taking a trip around the same time as Nas' 7th birthday, we'll have a family celebration: it's cheaper, requires far less planning, and we'll make it special without all of the hoopla! Then, come February I will take another break from throwing parties for Jay's 11th and we'll do the same thing for her birthday. Every year the birthday baby gets to pick the menu for each meal that day, I usually make the dessert of choice, and they open their gifts. This will remain our family tradition - it's the PARTY part I want to take a break from.

My 8th birthday was one of my most memorable, so I deem it a special one for the kids. That means Nas gets a party next year. For 12, Jay can have a small party, maybe a good friend sleepover. It will simply have to do if that kid wants a bash for her 13th, which is a must in my opinion!

Parties are a pricey, time-consuming, energy-sucking, planning nightmare in many ways. So I hope I've taken enough pictures for the kids to truly appreciate the parties their parents have thrown for them in previous years because times they are a'changing.

How do you make birthdays special for your kids?

Maybe I don't hate shopping

For as long as I can remember I have despised shopping for clothes for myself. Since I found out I was pregnant with Jay I have always loved shopping for kids' clothes. You may wonder why shopping for the little people is fun for me, when shopping for myself is, well, not so much. Well for a domestic chick like me, jeans and a t-shirt has been my go-to uniform, but if you've been shopping for jeans, like, ever, you may know just why I detest such an adventure.

Jeans are rarely cut right for a woman with curves, thighs, a little junk in the trunk (yep, the butt fairy skipped right over me), and an average waistline. Then you throw in the oh-so-Amazon-like height of 5 feet 7 inches and you are lucky if the jeans hit mid-ankle! But because jeans are part of my daily look, I've had to find a store that makes jeans that work for my body AND my budget (thanks GAP outlet!)

Well recently I decided that I deserve 30 minutes a day to work on ME. No, it's not a long relaxing bath or even a half hour of quiet time to enjoy a good book. No, I decided to exercise most days for 30 minutes a day. It is not always easy or my idea of fun, but it has changed the way I see myself in the mirror and I haven't even lost a lot of weight yet! Maybe it's the effect the endorphins have on me, but putting any kind of effort into improving my health through exercise, apparently, deserves to be appreciated outwardly as well! This is the only thing I can think of when I wonder why I like to shop for cute tops, skirts, summer dresses, even jeans that are a step above my norm. I actually care about the way I look because I don't feel so tired, slow, just blah.

That said, I went shopping with my Mom (a professional shopper for sure) and we hit a consignment store <3 that had an "Everything's $1" sale. I thought about the tips I'd learned from watching "What Not to Wear" with Jay and applied them to each item I pulled off the rack. Oddly enough most of the pieces I chose fit nicely and made me feel cute and pulled together! And at a dollar a piece I made out like a bandit!

So maybe shopping for the kids isn't the only kind of fun out there. Granted I prefer consignment shops or the outlet stores because I will not go broke over some clothes! This new outlook opens a world of possibilities for me, and although I'm not feeling Jay's or my Mom's shopping adoration, it's a huge improvement for me - one that suits me well if I do say so myself!

So, When can I get a FB page?

This morning Jay and I were doing a little yard work when she came over to where I was pulling weeds out of the cosmos flowers and asked, "So, how old do I have to be to have my own Facebook page?" Of course I felt a bit of anxiety creep in because I knew she would not be happy with my response, which meant I would feel obligated to explain.

"Well, why do you want a Facebook page?" I asked her, glad my sister's wisdom of "ask lots of questions first!" came to me.

"I don't know," was Jay's response. This is one preteen response I detest, by the way.

"Well then it doesn't really sound like you need to be on Facebook if you can't articulate why you want a page," I said. "Do your friends get on Facebook?"

"Some of them do," she said, then proceeded to rattle off all of ONE name.

"Ahh, I see. Well what would you want to do on Facebook?" I asked.

"I don't know, I like commenting," was the answer my 10-year-old gave.

"You can't have a Facebook page because you are too young. And you won't be allowed to use it until you are, probably, in high school," I said. "I've heard too many stories of girls bullying other girls not only at school, but especially via text and Facebook. When people talk online, it's very hard to tell the emotion behind what they are saying, that alone can cause a lot of problems among friends."

In short, Facebook brings about too many nuances that work against kids and the dynamics they have in their social circles. Some kids are fine using the social networking sites, I don't want to find out that my kids are unable to handle a social life in cyberspace. For me, keeping them off Facebook equals one less fire to put out.

Then I told her about the story I saw on Good Morning America about the teenage girl who had been tormented so badly on Facebook (at school as well) by other girls that she took her own life. That story alone was enough to convince me that it is all too easy to say something online to destroy a person, then hide out behind the computer screen - I've seen it happen among adults - and it seems easiest to keep my own children out of the fray.

What are your thoughts? Please feel free to share even if you don't agree with my take on the Facebook thing!

God is Good All the Time

On June 18, 2000, I noticed something had gone missing for about a week. So on June 20, 2000, I decided it was time to purchase the dreaded (at least at that point in my life!) pregnancy test. It took some time before there was any sign the test was working, but when it did, the two purple lines showed up with intensity. Yup, I was pregnant.

After crying like I myself was a baby, I got to a point where I was excited about the little person growing inside of me. This baby was a blessing from God and I would treat the situation as such. I prayed over my pea-sized little bean - as I called it - and even promised God I would dedicate the little life inside of me to Him if He would make everything okay. A lot of emotion comes along with an unexpected pregnancy and mine was just that - unexpected.

I met Jay on February 23, and I was sure to make good on my promise and dedicate her life back to God because she is a gift from Him - she is on loan to us from God. Babe and I have made it a point to keep Jay in constant learning about our Christian faith. She has always enjoyed Sunday church service and soaked up all her Christian child care center had to offer about her Lord and Savior. Jay even teaches Sunday School to her baby dolls and has worship service - she's done that since she was three years old.

So it didn't surprise me when she told me she wanted to be baptized.

Summer Reading

Every year, since Jay could read, she has participated in the local library's reading program. This year, both kids have been choosing books to read and enjoy throughout the summer because if they do nothing else, they will read.

I have lulls in my desire to read - I love magazines, so they are always a staple in the house for me - but I'm not always in the mood to read a BOOK. But since summer has enveloped me in its lazy, all-too-hot ways, I've blown through two novels without a whole lot of effort.

As a kid, I didn't love reading. I often envied my father's ability to read book after book and seem to really enjoy his quiet time that way. But I wasn't a strong reader as a child, I could read the words just fine, it was comprehension skills I lacked. When that is the case, why read?? It's just not fulfilling when you get nothing from it.

Now that I'm older reading and comprehending come more easily, and it's my own personal getaway. One June summer day I decided to find a novel at the library while the kids did their thing in the kids' section. I don't like doing it this way because I rarely find anything good going all willy-nilly. But somehow I lucked upon a book called, "Everyone Else's Girl" by Megan Crane and it sounded like something I could relate to (that's a whole 'nother blog entry!) Needless to say I loved the author's style of writing and the story was a good one. I enjoyed Crane's style so much that I'm going to snag her other books from Amazon!

Then, whenever I'm in Barnes and Noble - one of my happy places - I see a display of books by Emily Giffin. After putting a few of her books on reserve I finally had one in my hands and I devoured it. If you ever watch "The Wendy Williams Show", you know Wendy often calls celebrities 'a friend in my head', meaning, they aren't friends but would be if they ever got a chance to hang out. I feel like Giffin is a 'friend in my head' for sure! Her writing is so easy, so cool chick, that I have to slow myself when I read her work - it's that fun to read for me! The first book I read by Giffin was "Heart of the Matter" which ended up being difficult to read only because I could relate so much to the characters' circumstances - but I couldn't put it down.

For me, reading has been such an integral part of summer because we have so much more free, easy time that have more time for reading. It seems Jay has taken advantage of the season as well because she's read about four books already! There's nothing quite like picking up a good book and losing yourself in it - after all, the rigors of fall really are right about the corner!

Socks and Sandals

If there is one thing I truly adore about my children, it has to be their sense of humor. See, around our way we laugh...a LOT! And some days it is laughter that keeps us from crying, but most days we laugh because humor is just something we love and that comes naturally.

It had to be my Dad whose laughter I have heard, bar none, the most throughout my life. When that guy is in his groove, he can laugh and make me laugh, with great ease.

Laughing Out Loud

It was nearing bedtime a couple of nights ago when Babe and I were sitting together on the couch watching...probably "House Hunters" by that time, when our son's laugh kicked into high gear. If you've ever been lucky enough to get Nas to really laugh, or just been close enough to hear it, you know that that little boy's laughter is truly contagious.

Even as a baby he would sit in his high chair while Jay fed him and she could get that chubby little toddler laughing so much he'd have to catch his breath. When you have two kids, a husband, laundry, dishes, meals to plan and then prepare, bills that just don't stop coming, and a gas tank that demands filling more often than you like, you know that hearing your kids laugh - especially when it's just them - makes it all so very worth it.

That's how I felt that night. Some days are longer than others and that had been one of them, but Nas' laugh out loud moments really do make me smile, then laugh, and suddenly I notice a warm fuzzy feeling has hugged my heart in a way that makes me forget how crazy life can be.

Preschool Matters

Recently a parent asked Babe how he, as a father, could help ensure his son's success in school. The little boy is all of two years old, but because he knows our kids, Jay and Nas, are doing well in school so far (praise God) he probably figured

we might have a tip or two. When Babe presented the question to me my mind went into overdrive, because even when the kids were very young I took suggestions from magazines and parents of older kids to heart. So I had plenty of thoughts on the issue.

For our kids, preschool was the biggest piece of the puzzle in ensuring academic success. Jay went to daycare/preschool when both Babe and I worked full-time and she loved it! She was such a social butterfly, keeping her home with me all of her preschool years would have been hard on her. Preschool was an early lesson in how to behave in such a setting while she was able to play with other kids and interact with adults besides her family. It was especially important in her development because she truly was a sponge and soaked up everything her teachers offered her.

Nas was not my social child. He would've been content to be home with Mommy all of his preschool days. Registering him for preschool was about the social aspect in reverse: getting him outside of his comfort zone. I consider myself "socially retarded" in many ways, and being so much like me, Nas struggled with the same issue early on. In preschool Nas was able to push through his shyness so that he could 'make room' for academia. His naturally shy personality was kind of a roadblock to learning for him and I needed him to eliminate that before kindergarten or school would be very difficult for him.

Clearly, for my family, the social benefit of preschool was evident. But by the time kindergarten started they knew at least the first semester of the curriculum because of preschool. They had a leg up academically, and that is just what I hoped preschool would give them. I also knew that school would've been harder for Nas had he not gone to preschool because of the social roadblock. If you're too nervous or uncomfortable in school to learn, you'll miss learning opportunities until you do feel comfortable. Who knows when that would've happened for Nas, but because he had a leg up, he had time to get to know his teacher and a kid or two without missing out on the learning.

Other benefits of quality preschool include reducing separation anxiety when entering kindergarten and increased self-confidence and self-management - all learned during the time spent in preschool.

Babe and I take our children's education very seriously, so preschool just seemed the natural way to help them build a strong foundation for the years to come. Whenever I am asked about the importance of preschool I become a spokesperson of sorts - every child deserves the best possible chance at academic success, whatever that may mean for each individual child. For us, preschool was just the vehicle we hoped it would be.

Wet sheets

Last night, the night before, and the night before that Nas woke up in a huge wet spot of pee. A lot of times I get a bit irritated with the pee situation, but say nothing. Yesterday's episode put me over the edge, not because I was angry at Nas, but because I'm so tired of buying disposable underpants for nightly use only to wash his sheets the next day because he LEAKED through the underpants! If I'm going to wash the sheets anyway, why bother with the underpants?!

Much like spilled milk, there's no good reason to get all up in arms about peed on sheets, but this really has gotten out of hand. Today, when I found myself having to wash BOTH sets of his soiled sheets, otherwise he'll sleep on a bare mattress tonight (not really), I just wanted to say to heck with it all, no more drinking for my son! Because, you know, that's logical and safe. To top it all off, Nas has always been a thirsty child. So to stop him from drinking at, say, 6 o'clock as his father has suggested, seems a bit cruel but a lot less irritating for us all. Needless to say, we're going to give it a shot starting tonight. No drinking after dinner.

Jay never had this problem. Never. She was potty trained at age 2 and never looked back, not even at nighttime did she have an accident! But we're all different, and I get that, but I think her ability to get through the night dry at such an early age leaves me even more baffled when it comes to my 6 1/2 year old son who struggles most nights to keep from LEAKING out of his 'pull-up'!!

If this doesn't work I'm headed to the health food store to see if there may be a supplement that could help, then I'm calling our family doctor. I know he'll grow out of this phase, but if we can get a little help along the way, I'm ALL for it.

Dear Diary

Did you write in a journal or diary when you were growing up? Maybe you still journal? I wasn't a big talker as a child, so writing became my best friend. Back then I wrote poetry and short stories. Later I learned I could keep my thoughts in one safe place, also known as a diary. From that point forward I have always kept a diary or journal and when I flip through the pages of the one I kept in college or the one from my early married days - I'm really glad I saw the value, for me, in "journaling".

Recently I came across Jay's diary in one of her clothing drawers. My first instinct was to flip that baby open and find a comfy spot to read all-things-Jay. Then I remembered how I felt when I found out my mom read MY diary - betrayed by my own thoughts but more so, a real invasion on my mom's part! Especially because she knew I was a good kid, it wasn't as though she was going to find out some revealing secret about me! The same held true, in my mind, as I eyed Jay's diary: Jay's a great kid, her diary really wasn't going to tell me much more than she already has. So I promptly pushed the drawer closed and finished purging the outgrown clothing.

I can't say I'll be so kind later in Jay's life. As we get older we become more aware of the world we live in and how we fit into it. If she ever becomes secretive with me or I feel suspicious of what she's up to, Jay can BANK on having her diary read by her dear old mom. It's not cool, it's not respectable, but desperate times definitely call for desperate measures and I, my friends, am the kinda mom who will go the distance to find out what needs to be found out!

Fortunately for Jay, breaking into her diary would require more skill than I have. There is a voice recognition code, she can write in invisible ink (only she can read what she writes!), and, unlike me, she is smart enough to know people are nosy - so she makes full use of all of her safety gadgets. Maybe as she gets older I'll tell her what my mom told me, Writing it is proof - don't write it if you don't want to own up to it. Very true, but can take some of the fun out of keeping a diary - or, for that matter - breaking in and READING it!

As summer approaches

While Nas played Tag with a few kids at the play area at McDonald's, I figured it a

good time to start a list of things we could do to make good use of our summer. (The less I suppress my Virgo tendencies, the happier I am, so I let my freak flag fly!) Every summer Babe and I find out what the kids hope to do before returning to school and we try to figure in a mini-trip or two. This year it seems we have a lot of options, we'll just have to see how far the summer funds stretch!

When I consider what we'll do each summer, I typically start with local Parents Magazines and recreation center brochures and websites. That helps give me an idea of what will be going on in our area as well as which classes the kids can take - especially swimming. Once I have an idea of the more affordable options, I look into activities they participate in during the year and see if they offer day camps. For example, Jay takes dance all school year and her studio offers classes for her level throughout the summer - easy enough, because obviously this is something she enjoys doing!

Because activities and camps cost, each of our kids can do one "pricey" camp and the rest will have to fall on the other end of the spectrum considering Nas is a bottomless pit and will still need feeding. I figure we can go to the pool and the park, the library, Vacation Bible School rarely costs more than $15 per child, meander along downtown (something we don't get to do much during the busy school year), play outside of course, and without a doubt these two will spend time reading every day. That plus a homework sheet (or two) a few days a week and chores? We've got summer pretty well planned out!

This year the kids' school is offering a "boot camp" for Nas' age group where he goes to school for two hours a day, three days a week, to help minimize 'brain drain' that happens over summer. During his time at boot camp, Jay and I can do things we enjoy doing - just us girls! And while Jay is at ballet class, Nas and I can do our thing, it works out pretty well!

My goal in summer planning for the kids is to allow them time apart because, obviously, they'll have plenty of time together. If you've spent an entire summer at home with your kids you know that the time together piece can get very tiring and tedious for everyone. I'm hoping a little planning will get us through the kids' time off from school without too much headache - it is, after all, SUMMER!

Money = Freedom

This school year has been, overall, a great year. Initially, I wondered what it would be like for Jay's teacher, a man, to interact with our little think tank-diva day in and day out, but I knew it would be interesting.

Not long after the school year started I discovered that Jay's teacher, Mr. S., had really picked up on Jay's personality and that definitely excited me. Knowing that Mr. S. saw that Jay was more than capable of taking on more challenging work, and that he was willing to push her just hard enough to help her blossom, allowed me to see the rare trait of a teacher who is truly passionate about his work.

At our last parent-teacher conference, Babe and I laughed at the different scenarios Mr. S. presented to us and how Jay reacted at the time. Our daughter, without question, is her father's child. When I say that I mean: she's a thinker, she loves a challenge, she's a bit of a know-it-all, and things come to her pretty easily. Her father is the same way and to hear it from someone who's only known our daughter a few months is very telling. It tells me that Mr. S. pays attention. I liken his teaching ability to a fly on the wall because he has picked up on so much about Jay that it seems he'd have to be everywhere she is without her noticing.

That said, Mr. S. suggested we enroll Jay in a summer camp through the Young Americans Center for Financial Education. Obviously, he has seen that Jay is aware of the importance and power of money. At a very early age (3 or 4) Jay told my Mom, "Money gives you freedom." So if this organization's summer camp doesn't fit my daughter's personality, I don't know what does! If she can attend every summer I think she'll have a great foundation in financial understanding.

This camp excites me because it seems a good introduction to understanding money and owning your own business. A wise friend once told me, "Don't send your kids to college so they can get a job; send your kids to college so they can become entrepreneurs!" And this is one little girl who will likely do just that - like father like daughter!

The Windy City

At the end of April my best friend and I kissed our beautiful families goodbye and headed to the airport to begin our first girls trip. I have traveled a bit, but she typically visits family when she has time off, so when I remembered her dream trip would be to visit Chicago I figured, Why not? So Chicago it was. We both hoped the weather would be nice, not too hot, not too cool, and started exchanging ideas about what the trip would entail.

This is vital to a trip taken with friends: find out what everyone wants to do while you're away and do a nice mix of everything so the trip is fulfilling to all involved. I've only traveled with a large group once, but that was pretty easy because there were so many of us it seemed half went one way and half went the other. It worked. But when there are just two of you, if one wants to just hit the party scene and the other wants to sight-see, well it could get ugly.

As the trip got closer I wondered what kind of travel companion my besty might be: would she want to be up and at 'em bright and early, or lay in bed til noon before we hit the town? Would we get a chance to relax before returning home to our respective duties or would we go full-throttle the whole time? I'm the kind of girl who likes to relax a little after spending a day or so on the town and I was really hoping she would be down with that.

Turned out we were very much on the same page, probably because we were so excited about our trip that we talked about it every chance we got. We made compromises: she wanted to take a boat tour, I was skeptical, but we did it and I enjoyed it! I'm not sure it was a compromise on her part, but we walked downtown Chicago and whatever we wanted to see, we saw, whatever we wanted to eat, we ate. All while walking kind of aimlessly up and down Chicago streets. I loved the spontaneity of it, and it only worked for me because it was just us girls.

When I'm traveling with the fam, I like to make sure we hit everything we all want to do because with four different ideas of fun, it's easy to inadvertently miss someone's request. I'm a planner, the family travel planner in fact. Tell me where we're going and I'll find plenty for us to do. For Chicago, we planned a couple of things and flew by the seat of our pants for the rest.

There is something to be said about traveling with a girlfriend. You know the ins and outs of why you both need a break, you both care about your family and issues you both face, and when it is all said and done you both know you will look out for each other.

Are we DONE yet?

Fourth grade. When I think of my fourth grade year I remember the teacher who seemed to love me so, taking more tests on those computer bubble sheets than I care to recall, and having to change schools from the neighborhood elementary I'd attended since the first grade, then leaving Dayton, Ohio altogether to relocate to Fort Collins, Colorado. While my fourth grade school year was busy with change, it seems Jay's fourth grade school year is full of HOMEWORK!

I don't remember having a lot of homework on a daily basis in elementary school. Well, over the past month or so, it seems Jay is at school all day only to come home with a backpack full of homework to complete before the next school day. This, for a child who thrives on breaks, relaxation. This, for a child whose immune system senses too much stress and will either show itself through a cold sore or cause any number of physical maladies like stomach aches, mild fevers, headaches, even hives. This, for a child whose mother believes strongly in a child enjoying time outside running or bike riding, or at the very least time to do whatever the child does for fun.

On the one hand I appreciate the kids' school for creating ways for students who love learning to go above and beyond what may be taught in the grade-level classroom. But on the other hand I would also appreciate weekends without a paper to write, a project to complete, or math problems to solve. Can't they have weekends?! And if we are going to watch the kids hammer out homework over the weekend, can you minimize weekday assignments? I mean really.

In short, I'm so over fourth grade even I am counting the school days until summer (18)! When Jay stresses, I stress, and I'm no fan of stress. We have many school years ahead of us, but oh when summer comes...these two will do nothing but relax (for the first week) and do little more than read a book in the shade (the second week), then review what they learned during the previous school year - a little here, a little there. This is one mama who can't wait for summertime!

Feeding Nas

It seems Nas has hit yet another growth spurt. His growth spurts are always apparent because he suddenly requires more sleep otherwise he's very grumpy, mean, and moody. Along with those pleasantries come his insatiable need to EAT! It is amazing, during these growth spurts, just how much food this kid can put away. At 4'3" and a whopping 60 pounds, I wonder where my six-year-old beanpole is putting all of that food.

Not one to pour all-things-packaged into the kids, these spurts make keeping the hungry fed a bit tricky. Of course, all things in moderation, but that balance requires a lot on my part. With that said, it's time to scour the cook books and websites for healthy, well-balanced snacks to be made by yours truly so that this child of mine doesn't feel quite so ravenous.

Some of the better recipes or snack ideas I've stumbled upon are from websites like myrecipes.com that suggested making Peanut Butter Banana Spirals that even sneak in a little wheat germ which happens to be high in protein - bonus! The website even suggests hearty, healthy sandwich ideas that will keep both of my kids plugging along well after lunch, especially on school days.

I'm not a fan of the internet primarily because of the time-suck it has proven to be for me, but being the information hog that I am, there's nothing like finding whatever my mind can conjure right at my finger tips. The wide range of food tips, nutrition guides, and especially recipes makes meal planning a little easier (I said 'a little'). Where my hungry son is concerned, this definitely feeds his hunger as well as mine.

Our first

Last Wednesday during dance class, Jay caught her foot on a piece of tape on the dance floor and sprained her foot. Initially she didn't complain much, only mentioning it when she came home after class. But it wasn't long before her foot started to swell and become a nuisance around our house.

I consider dance a sport of sorts. Much like Nas will likely play football, hopefully basketball, and any other sport he may become interested in, Jay's sport of choice is dance. This is her second year of taking dance classes which means I'm very new to this sports injury thing. Sure, I played basketball and danced on my high school's dance team, but I never went so hard that I was injured! Babe on the other hand played a few different sports and is familiar with sprains and several other sports injuries. A sprain may be a fairly minor injury, but with dance rehearsals on Wednesdays and Saturdays, plus dress rehearsal and her recital in early June - I'm praying this foot heals quickly.

It would break my heart, and I know it would just about kill my Jay, if she was unable to perform in the recital after a school year's-worth of weekly dance practice. She has worked hard to learn the dances, has started stretching regularly to improve her flexibility, and Jay just generally loves dancing. This has been her passion since she watched Beyonce on the Grammy awards show in 2003! Yes, really.

So along with resting her foot, icing and heating her foot, administering ibuprofen daily, and helping her keep it from getting too stiff - this "dance mom" will be praying that my baby heals quickly so that she can get back on that dance floor and perform on the night of the recital with all the grace and beauty, oh, and sass, she has performed with for so many years.

I see KIDS!

Okay, so since I gave birth to Jay over 10 years ago, I have been surrounded by children. This has been by choice, seeing as in early 2004, Babe and I decided I would stay home with our then 3-year-old Jay.

Fast-forward to April 2011. I am now the mother of two, Jay is 10 and Nas is 6. I am still at home holding down the fort doing all that any good mom and wife does. On top of that, I have babysat two kids in addition to my own kids, and currently watch a 16-month-old girl and have since she was about two months old. Did I mention I am surrounded by children?

Granted, Jay is in 4th grade, so gone most of the day, and Nas is in kindergarten two full days and a half, so I definitely have enjoyed having a couple of days to myself. But after all of these years raising these little kiddies, mama's ready to break out. I am ready to do something that is "mine" and that gets me out of the house sometimes.

Sleepy Kindie

Periodically my son's kindergarten teacher will pull me aside at pick-up time to inform me that Nas was a "very sleepy boy" that afternoon. Of course, being the Virgo mommy that I am, I quickly wonder how I can fix that. I also wonder what Mrs. L. might be thinking of me as Nas' mother: What, do you let the kid stay up all night? Have you no boundaries? Plug in, raise your kid! First off, if she ever has considered any of these criticisms, she is truly wise to keep them to herself. But when a mother prides herself on raising productive kids, it can grate on her nerves when an obstacle poses itself! Especially one that makes no sense!

Nas is an active little boy, and when I say active I mean he is running from the time he wakes to the time he hits that pillow at night. Speaking of which, he goes to sleep at 7:45 and wakes around 6:45. He wakes around the same time every day whether he stayed up a little later on the weekend or got the full 11 hours. On a good night I can have him in bed at 7:30, but anything earlier than that eludes me. So that comes to about 11 hours of sleep a night, which, according to WebMD is about right for the ripe ol' age of six. I've considered he may be getting too much sleep, but the kid is a monster when he's short-changed! If he's likely getting enough sleep, what is the problem?

Food. I've been thinking of keeping a food journal for Nas on days he is home with me and on days when he packs lunch for school just to see what he might be lacking in his diet. Protein maybe? But, my first thought in this 'mystery' is that he may need an afternoon snack on school days because when at home the kid is really taking it down. Case in point, last night he ate a turkey hot dog on a bun, rice, and a salad. Not long after dinner (6pm or so) he asked for and ate oatmeal. And after a shower and getting ready for bed, the kid ate a slice of pizza. Random? For sure, but when he goes on these "cluster feedings" I just FEED the kid! I say cluster feedings because he did a lot of that as a newborn, I would feed him and maybe an hour later I was feeding him again. Exhausting.

I don't know what is going on with my little boy and these afternoons of fatigue, but it would be nice if he could handle two full days and a half of kindergarten without issue. When I told Jay about Nas's issue at school she replied, "Everyone is tired after lunch, Mommy!" Which I get, heck, come 2:00 I find myself in need of a nap! But something's got to give - first grade, all day every day, is just around the corner! One can hope he'll just grow out of it....right?

It starts with me

It has been a bumpy year for me and Babe as a couple. Only recently did I hear that year eight is a tough one for marriages. Great. Good to know. Well, we attended a marriage conference about a month ago and I'd say we've both made great use of the tools we acquired during that conference and I pray we keep growing stronger. After the marriage conference I was going through some books and came across "The Power of a Praying Wife" by Stormie Omartian and decided it was time to get real about what every marriage should be made up of: a husband, a wife, and God.

I started reading, but decided chapter two was most pressing at that time: His Work. If you know Babe you know how much he loves his work - thankfully - but there are times when the guy is in the zone and it's very difficult to get his attention, fully, when he's in that place. This chapter seemed appropriate because THAT, after all, was the root of our problem! Well...I decided after reading chapter two that chapter one might be something I should read. Boy did the author have me pegged.

Chapter one: His Wife. This brilliant woman must have met me at some point because most of the chapter is ABOUT me - basically, my jumping to chapter two said it all. "Natalie is quite sure that all of her marriage issues are because of her husband." And everything in chapter two admonished me for thinking that way, and thinking back on it, that wasn't really fun. She wrote that I needed to pray before I approach him with my plethora of issues (novel idea!), I needed to be sure I'm covering all the bases God has set before me as Babe's wife (nope), even in arguing I am to be respectful of Babe (good reminder), and to let go of expectations I may have of him (and boy were there LOTS of those!). In short, my marriage will not be what either of us wants it to be without prayer - it won't change because I think it needs to.

So, it looks like it starts with me. As usual I dragged my feet because WHY does it ALWAYS have to start with ME?! But once I got past my stubborn ways, I found that just a few chapters/prayers in I - yes, me, Natalie - am changing in ways that make our marriage better. Well what do you know? Working on myself allows me to become what God's true plan for me as Babe's wife has always been. And no I'm nowhere near perfect, but I'm not the wife I used to be. And the cool part (as my dad would say) is that God is working on me, but at the same time he's softening Babe's heart making him far more receptive to me than ever before - and what wife doesn't want that?!

On August 3, 2002, I made a vow to myself, to Babe, and to God to do my part in this marriage. And I take that vow very, very seriously. So even if it means I have to take the full-length mirror out and really look at myself, then ask God to improve me in ways only He can - then that's just what I'm going to do because it is quite obvious that change truly does begin with me.

...and Then there are Days

There are days when I wake up ready for and excited about the day. Those are the days when all is just right in my world and there is nothing that can change my mood.

And then there are days when I wake up wondering just what I can do to lift the overwhelming desire to crawl back into the warmth of my bed. I wonder what about this day will be missed if I choose to just check out. Check out of the mundane duties that really should be done, and why not today? Check out on one of few days the kids have home from school and just watch Lifetime Movies all day, when I should be interacting, plugging in as their mother.

Then I realize - they are the very reason I cannot 'check out'. So I drag myself upstairs to get ready for the day. I give myself the 'You can DO this' pep talk in the bathroom mirror. I pull it together for no other reason than because I am a mother, I am their mother, the only one they'll ever have. And one day they won't care if I would rather stay in bed and watch Lifetime Movies all day. It will be THAT day I spend regretting having checked out when they wanted to hang with me. And the present day me cannot stand the lack of air I feel just thinking about those 'lost' days when the kids are older.

There are days when you feel like a million bucks, and then there are days like today. But when you are a mother, you don't always get to choose to tend to your own needs - actually, it can be very rarely - so because I am their mother, I will get it together because yes, I can do this. Then maybe later, I can collapse into a pile of lazy bones and read or, heck, watch Lifetime Movies all day.

Why Denver is Home

When I was nine years old, my parents asked me and my sister if we wanted to move to Colorado. In my nine-year-old mind this sounded great! Like an adventure! I don't believe it had occurred to me that this meant a new life, new school, new everything - and me and 'new' just don't get along well!

So we moved, and although there is so much I could say about how I felt about Colorado (Fort Collins in fact), perspective really can change with time. When I was a senior in high school my plan was to get OUT of Colorado at all costs. College was my "get out of Colorado free" pass and I was cashing that boy in! In the end I attended Colorado State University - in Fort Collins. Later, Babe and I thought we would relocate our little family to Delaware for a job opportunity he had after graduation. It was Denver or Delaware. Needless to say we've been in the Denver area since late 2002 and see no signs of that changing.

Babe's job requires him to travel big cities like Los Angeles, Miami, Atlanta, and even New York City from time to time. It would make a lot of sense for us to relocate to L.A. especially, for his work. But nothing about raising our babies in L.A. or, the latest 'offer' Miami, is appealing to me. Sure there are plenty of plusses, but the minuses outweigh them - for our family - heavily.

Denver, for us, is home for many reasons. And sometimes I get so annoyed with the mundane, same ol', that I dismiss the good about Denver. Today I'm feeling good about home sweet home so I'd better get it in writing NOW!

1. There is nothing like the first heavy mountain snow. I prefer to view it from afar, but this is what Colorado is all about! Snow-capped mountains.

2. Our kids attend a quality school and...get this...we don't even have to PAY for it! Sounds crazy to those in L.A. or NYC I'm sure.

3. When it snows, the sun will inevitably melt it away within the next couple of days so we get to avoid that ugly dirty snow.

4. 300+ days of sun. For me, 'nuff said. This is the kind of sun that can make or break the day's temperature - 55 here is NOTHING like it is most places. It's like a spring day :)

5. Our kids have friends who are from every ethnicity imaginable. And that's just how, I think, it should be.

6. It is very clean here. Maybe that's why things are a bit pricier than some other areas, but when I think of Denver I don't picture it with a layer of dust the way I do some other cities. I like clean.

7. I love telling people I live in Denver so I can tell them they have some big misconceptions about the area. Yes, Black people live here. And No, we don't endure 10 feet of snow at a time in the winter. Oh, and no, we don't live in the mountains - Denver is a city, the mountains are the mountains.

8. And as of late, we have a basketball team that is ballin' out of CONTROL! Who doesn't love those bragging rights? If I wasn't a fan before (I loved Melo, not the Nuggets), I find myself very proud of those Nuggets - let's just hope management doesn't totally dismantle the team!

9. It's one of few cities I feel comfortable driving in because we actually have SPACE on our highways. One false move in some cities and you'll have side-swiped the car next to you! What is THAT?

10. Last, but not least, Colorado is where all-things wonderful have happened in my life: We have family here, I met and married Babe here, and both of my babies were born here. It's where we've made our life! What's not to love?

The Little Things

In total, I spent 10 years under a cloud of depression. It is nothing short of a miracle that I can say that I am now free of it and have been for a few years. What I learned from that dark time in my life is that God will be there, even when you doubt He hears your cries, and that I can easily find myself back in that pit if I don't have a grateful spirit.

Being grateful, for me at least, took some practice. I started very basic - and when I feel like the world is caving in on me, I go back to the basics. I would be bored of my household duties, but quickly turned my thoughts to, "I may not feel like doing laundry today, but I'm so thankful we are able to have a washer and dryer in our home to do the laundry for our family of four."

There are days when I don't know what to cook and don't have a bunch of money to go out and buy anything to cook, but when I am grateful that we have food in our pantry, our freezer - both of them - and even enough leftovers in our fridge to feed us all, my perspective changes. Otherwise it is very easy for me to dwell on what I don't have, can't do, what I'm tired of doing, not doing, you name it.

But on any given day I remember to relish in some of my favorite little things. Things that I do with my family and things I do for myself. With Nas I look forward to playing Super Mario Brothers on the Wii after school because he is just so happy to have someone playing his favorite game with him. I don't just love being Luigi, or being told Daddy's better at the game than I am, but it's our little time together for just us.

With Jay, she loves to ride her bike and have me walk 'with' her. She doesn't even leave me! I think she enjoys the time for just us girls and I do too.

Then with Babe, 8:00 pm is my favorite time of day. We watch a movie, basketball, or something we've put on DVR, and just hang. It's our little piece of the day for just the two of us - and when he's out of town it's the time of day I miss him the most.

When Me Time seems pressing, I love to lay on the couch in the sun and read a magazine. There is nothing quite like it - I've learned cats are even smarter than I thought with the lounging in the sun thing! Or I may take a hot bubble bath where, inevitably, Nas will bring his action figures in for a random dive. He'll even invite me to play. I am sure to remember those moments because he definitely won't be doing that much longer.

I realize I live a very comfortable life. Things are not always perfect and every day is not easy, but when I start to think too hard on that which is less than perfect or those things I find difficult, I remember the little things I love about my life and enjoy with my family because in the end, that's all that will ever matter.

It's a BOY!

After praying, even begging God to give me a son back in 2003, Babe, Jay and I welcomed Nas into our lives on October 30, 2004.

Since day one I have been learning what it is to have a boy in the house, after all, I grew up with a sister and although we had cousins we grew up with, there's nothing quite like 24/7 life with a little boy. What's funny about Nas in particular, is that what makes him a boy has always been part of my learning about boys. Case in point, the day we found out we were having a boy the ultrasound technician said it was quite obvious that ours was a boy. She made sure to print the odd first photo with an arrow pointing at Nas' "obviously boy" parts.

On the day before we were to leave the hospital, Nas was circumcised so things were very tender down there. When we got home I went to change him and the stupid diaper got stuck on his newly cut 'pee-pee'. Because such a disaster had never happened with my first child, a girl, it hadn't even occurred to me so I pulled that diaper down the way I would any baby. And boy did my son cry...and then I cried. This new addition came with an extra part that I just didn't know how to care for!

When he was a couple months old I was up for one of his many every-two-hour feedings where I also changed his diaper. I opened the diaper and was greeted by what looked very much like a pinkie finger ready to pinkie swear with me. THAT was too much. Why couldn't his 'pee-pee' just lay there? I have never quite gotten over that shock and I find myself disturbed just recounting the story. I guess those little suckers are unpredictable from day one!

Well these days, Nas is no longer a baby, he's my six-year-old kindergartner who makes me laugh all the time. One night I was lotioning him after his bath and he shared some intimate details of his relationship with his 'pee-pee'. It is, in his words, his buddy - like he has "Teddy" his teddy bear and he has his 'pee-pee' to keep him company before he drifts off into la-la-land.

"I play with my buddy before I go to sleep," Nas told me.

So, a man is a man is a man was what I learned that night. I don't act stunned about the random things the kids tell me - my sister taught me that mom lesson. Honestly, I don't recall what I asked or said, but it was definitely nothing along the lines of "You'll go blind."

There are nights, even, when I go into his room to check on him only to find his hand in his underwear, staying close to his buddy - I guess. And I don't know if any of this is just boy stuff or if mine is a little quirkier than I know. But so much of having a son has revolved around the part that makes him a boy, I'm honestly worried about what is to come in the future. All I can say is, I'm glad I have one of each because this is one learning experience I don't need to repeat.

As the school year winds down

This school year has been a really good one. I remember, when Nas was just a few months old in 2004, feeling like 2010 was an entire world away and here were are about to finish kindergarten! At some point in my life I became a cynic, so unfortunately I'm wondering what next school year might hold because the kids had such a productive year of growth. But cynic that I am, I also know that God has control over it all and if He can bring us to it, He will bring us through it. So I kick that cynicism to the back of the closet.

Jay struggled with girlfriends in years past, but this school year she has made some great friends and I'm so happy for her! Every girl needs "that" girl who she knows will have her back no matter what. When Jay had her sleepover I had the opportunity to meet her "bestie" and together they reminded me so much of me and my junior high and high school bestie. No matter what the party held, Jay and "A" were together. On top of that, Jay is about 5'2+ and "A" is all of 4'8" - that's just how it was for me and my best friend. Among other things, the social aspect of childhood really solidified for Jay and for that I am so thankful!

Nas was not a fan of kindergarten initially. Going to school all day, two full days and Friday afternoons, meant he had to leave home. Ask Babe and he'll add, "he had to leave his mommy, that was the problem." But Nas is so much like me in that change does not sit well with him initially. We had teary drop offs, yeah both of us, days when he got into trouble because he chose to do what the other boys were doing, we even had days when he came home so tired he fell asleep before dinner. We didn't have many of those days, but early on, Nas would be exhausted after school.

Now Nas has settled into the day-to-day rigors of kindergarten, he doesn't stress about his days because he's used to the system, he even likes to buy lunch - something he wouldn't do before because he didn't know "how" and it overwhelmed him. He's had playdates with a couple of his kindie buddies and has gone to a couple of birthday parties. He is even excelling in his school work. I'm just so happy for my little late bloomer that I could burst!

So with summer looming, I wonder what I'm going to do with my oh-so-awesome kids. They aren't nearly as awesome when they are together 24/7 through the summer months - and, yes, as a Virgo this requires some thought and planning on my part or it'll all fall apart. Which isn't easy, because very few options are cheap! I don't know how other parents survive the summer...maybe they work and don't have to endure the constant bickering come July...but I've got to get it figured out! After all, these new found social skills and academic advancement don't bode as well when the kids are trying to out-think each other or talk the other into a coma. All things considered, if I don't find them something to do over the summer, I just might be the one gaining new skills in the real world - by getting a JOB!