Girls will be Girls

Growing up I didn't have many friends - male or female. I was very shy and to myself, but I knew that I wanted ONE person to have lunch with, to play on the playground with, to have over sometimes to hang out with. Throughout grade school I typically had up to three friends who I hung out with, but always that one best girlfriend.

Over time I found girls to be catty, gossipy, back-biting...shall I continue? So in junior high and high school I threw a few nice guys into the mix. Guys who liked basketball and rap, in particular, because then we had something to talk about. I didn't associate with them outside of school, and hardly even outside of whichever class we shared! But it was nice to just 'be' and talk about things I enjoyed that girls weren't into. This was a must not only because girls proved to be just plain mean, but also because I couldn't have cared one iota less about makeup, fashion, or the like. It was a win-win this 'male friends' concept.

Now that my daughter is 14 and a freshman in high school I see live and in color just how dreadful the female species is toward each other.

First things first, I was quiet and I just naturally flew under the radar. I didn't go out of my way to hang with the popular kids and I was of no interest to them. Jay is one of those cute girls who knows how to put together cute outfits, wear her makeup just right, and is into the cool things - pop culture. She is one of the cool kids at school. That alone sets her up for all kinds of attention. Girls have talked about what she wears, how she wears it, her relationship with the boy she hung out with - in a group no less - over the summer, she apparently has breast implants, and generally cannot do anything right in their eyes.

My daughter reminds me of this girl I went to school with in junior high and high school - Kelly - who was pretty, had her stuff together, was very smart and just had 'it'. I admired her because she had all the pieces and was just a very nice girl! I wonder what kind of mess girls talked about her!? Jay has people who compliment her, but of course, the haters stand out in her mind.

I'm thankful that my kids are pretty confident in themselves and most of the crap just gets brushed off their shoulders. I just wish that as girls, as women, we could treat each other better. I don't have what you have, you don't have what I have...SO? The grass is always greener on the other side until you get over there and have to mow it! It is my hope that I am teaching my daughter to be a strong woman who knows the value of a quality friendship with another woman. Hopefully other mothers are doing the same.

Who Signed me Up for this?

It's been 14 years that I've been at this motherhood gig. There have been days when I wasn't sure I was meant to be a Mom. There have been even more times when I have asked, Who signed me up for this?

The first night we brought our daughter home, Babe drove with the care and precision of a secret serviceman while I sat in back next to our baby in her Looney Tunes car seat. I realized then that I was in over my head because I was terrified for her safety. No longer was I 'in control' like I thought I was when she was safely tucked inside of me. She was in a world where plenty of wonderful things happen, but so many awful things happen. What was I thinking? What made me think motherhood was for me?

Back then I thought being exhausted from night feedings that interrupted my precious sleep was the hardest thing I would endure. As she grew, I thought watching Jay fall as she learned to walk would be the ultimate heartbreak. As she continued to grow I thought leaving her at that big elementary school - her adorable ponytails and pink ruched top - was going to be the end of me.

Motherhood had stretched me in ways I'd never thought possible. Then I decided we should have just one more. REALLY?! I guess at that point, when Jay was two, I was still pretty unaware of all that I was signing myself up for with motherhood. But I had to have one more and, God willing, a son. If a girl and a boy is ideal, Babe and I had ideal.

Now, 14 years in, and almost 11 for our son, I find that the days of every two hour feedings, returning my fallen babies to their chubby, wobbly legs after a fall, and first days of kindergarten are the good old days. Those were the days when my kids were with me pretty much all day every day. I knew what they were eating, who they played with, and was there for every part of their day.

Back then the hardships where physical: lack of sleep, chasing little ones all day, trying to get them moving so they could burn energy for a nap. These days the hardships are mentally draining and far more emotional: your daughter's first heartbreak, teaching her how to stay organized, when she prefers to be in her room unless you offer Chipotle for dinner, when either child struggles with friends or school work, and watching them grow taller than their Mom.

God knows just how to keep us close. I used to pray over my children, I know that God made them and He wants all that is good for them. But now I find I pray constantly for my kids: before my feet hit the floor, when I'm whipping up breakfast for them on a Saturday, driving past his school building, when I drop her off at the bus stop at 6:15 a.m., before and during a basketball game, ALL NIGHT LONG after she's left for a school dance. I pray for my kids constantly. I also pray for myself as their mother - Please fill in the gaps, Lord. Being a Mommy is hard, but I'll take every heartache, every tear that falls from my eyes because I love those kids of mine. Plus, it's apparently what I signed up for!