Growing up I didn't have many friends - male or female. I was very shy and to myself, but I knew that I wanted ONE person to have lunch with, to play on the playground with, to have over sometimes to hang out with. Throughout grade school I typically had up to three friends who I hung out with, but always that one best girlfriend.
Over time I found girls to be catty, gossipy, back-biting...shall I continue? So in junior high and high school I threw a few nice guys into the mix. Guys who liked basketball and rap, in particular, because then we had something to talk about. I didn't associate with them outside of school, and hardly even outside of whichever class we shared! But it was nice to just 'be' and talk about things I enjoyed that girls weren't into. This was a must not only because girls proved to be just plain mean, but also because I couldn't have cared one iota less about makeup, fashion, or the like. It was a win-win this 'male friends' concept.
Now that my daughter is 14 and a freshman in high school I see live and in color just how dreadful the female species is toward each other.
First things first, I was quiet and I just naturally flew under the radar. I didn't go out of my way to hang with the popular kids and I was of no interest to them. Jay is one of those cute girls who knows how to put together cute outfits, wear her makeup just right, and is into the cool things - pop culture. She is one of the cool kids at school. That alone sets her up for all kinds of attention. Girls have talked about what she wears, how she wears it, her relationship with the boy she hung out with - in a group no less - over the summer, she apparently has breast implants, and generally cannot do anything right in their eyes.
My daughter reminds me of this girl I went to school with in junior high and high school - Kelly - who was pretty, had her stuff together, was very smart and just had 'it'. I admired her because she had all the pieces and was just a very nice girl! I wonder what kind of mess girls talked about her!? Jay has people who compliment her, but of course, the haters stand out in her mind.
I'm thankful that my kids are pretty confident in themselves and most of the crap just gets brushed off their shoulders. I just wish that as girls, as women, we could treat each other better. I don't have what you have, you don't have what I have...SO? The grass is always greener on the other side until you get over there and have to mow it! It is my hope that I am teaching my daughter to be a strong woman who knows the value of a quality friendship with another woman. Hopefully other mothers are doing the same.
Saturday, October 31, 2015
Monday, September 28, 2015
Who Signed me Up for this?
It's been 14 years that I've been at this motherhood gig. There have been days when I wasn't sure I was meant to be a Mom. There have been even more times when I have asked, Who signed me up for this?
The first night we brought our daughter home, Babe drove with the care and precision of a secret serviceman while I sat in back next to our baby in her Looney Tunes car seat. I realized then that I was in over my head because I was terrified for her safety. No longer was I 'in control' like I thought I was when she was safely tucked inside of me. She was in a world where plenty of wonderful things happen, but so many awful things happen. What was I thinking? What made me think motherhood was for me?
Back then I thought being exhausted from night feedings that interrupted my precious sleep was the hardest thing I would endure. As she grew, I thought watching Jay fall as she learned to walk would be the ultimate heartbreak. As she continued to grow I thought leaving her at that big elementary school - her adorable ponytails and pink ruched top - was going to be the end of me.
Motherhood had stretched me in ways I'd never thought possible. Then I decided we should have just one more. REALLY?! I guess at that point, when Jay was two, I was still pretty unaware of all that I was signing myself up for with motherhood. But I had to have one more and, God willing, a son. If a girl and a boy is ideal, Babe and I had ideal.
Now, 14 years in, and almost 11 for our son, I find that the days of every two hour feedings, returning my fallen babies to their chubby, wobbly legs after a fall, and first days of kindergarten are the good old days. Those were the days when my kids were with me pretty much all day every day. I knew what they were eating, who they played with, and was there for every part of their day.
Back then the hardships where physical: lack of sleep, chasing little ones all day, trying to get them moving so they could burn energy for a nap. These days the hardships are mentally draining and far more emotional: your daughter's first heartbreak, teaching her how to stay organized, when she prefers to be in her room unless you offer Chipotle for dinner, when either child struggles with friends or school work, and watching them grow taller than their Mom.
God knows just how to keep us close. I used to pray over my children, I know that God made them and He wants all that is good for them. But now I find I pray constantly for my kids: before my feet hit the floor, when I'm whipping up breakfast for them on a Saturday, driving past his school building, when I drop her off at the bus stop at 6:15 a.m., before and during a basketball game, ALL NIGHT LONG after she's left for a school dance. I pray for my kids constantly. I also pray for myself as their mother - Please fill in the gaps, Lord. Being a Mommy is hard, but I'll take every heartache, every tear that falls from my eyes because I love those kids of mine. Plus, it's apparently what I signed up for!
Sunday, May 4, 2014
Take 2 is full of Growth
Well it's been a while since I've sat myself down long enough to type out my feelings and experiences as a mother of two, one now a teenager and the other on the cusp of tweenhood, but life is coming at me fast and my babies are growing up even faster - I know I'd better write or I'll look back on their graduation days and wonder what happened in between!
Let's just catch up.
Jay is 13 now and in full teenage girl mode. I remember being 13 and not particularly enjoying all of the moods, feelings, and having zero control over anything my body or mind was doing, so I try hard to cut her some slack. For example, last week one morning she was getting close to her 7:45 departure time and she just suddenly got really flustered. She hated her hair, thought she looked ugly (never), didn't finish all of her many hours of homework (really teachers?), didn't have time for breakfast, didn't have the jacket she wanted to wear at the ready and then here I come demanding she wear real shoes, not flip-flops, on a 50 degree day. It was one of those mornings. Somehow she pulled it together and got to her ride and went off into her school day.
Honestly, I was irritated with her because a) it doesn't take ALL MORNING to get dressed for school, b) I can help you if you ASK me, but I don't read minds, c) who wears flip-flops to school when the morning's temp is barely above freezing? Not my kids. I watched the tornado that was my daughter blow up the stairs, down, then back up again. After a few hours that day, I sent her a text that read simply, "I hope you're having a great day. I love you." Her reply was, "I love you too." That, I suppose, meant her day wasn't so 'great'.
Then there's my baby boy, Nas, who is 9 1/2 years old already and is all boy. So far the issue I have with him most is that if he doesn't get enough sleep, forget about it. He's mean as the day is long without ample rest - much like his mother. On such days he's snapping at his sister, doesn't want to be told what to do in any way, and will have a meltdown as bedtime nears. Nas would rather NOT shower if he can avoid it - read: if Mom/Dad didn't tell me to, I'm not showering. And he's become a tad particular about what he wears. We have a LOT of personalities in this house.
Nas can be found playing with his mini basketball on his mini hoop which has found its home in our master bedroom most of the time. If not, he's out playing with his friends from school. Too often Nas will be playing blocks away from home (I know, the horror!) and I have no idea where he is. Or he and his friend Caleb will be walking on the path behind our houses, hanging out at the gazebo, unbeknownst to me. Caleb has a phone, but sometimes is awful about answering it or responding to texts. Nas doesn't have a phone, he likely would be the same way so why bother?! That's probably his second worst offense, not communicating his whereabouts before he goes here there and everywhere. He's NINE years old - he thinks he's 15 it seems, so I have to remind him often that I still have to know where he is at all times.
My kids are tall, so they probably appear older to those who don't know them, but I KNOW how old they are and I feel like protecting them has gotten far more complicated as they've gotten older. I am sure it just gets worse over time...but I'm in it for the long haul. I figure, God's got these babies. I just do my part and keep praying He will fill in the massive gaps!
Let's just catch up.
Jay is 13 now and in full teenage girl mode. I remember being 13 and not particularly enjoying all of the moods, feelings, and having zero control over anything my body or mind was doing, so I try hard to cut her some slack. For example, last week one morning she was getting close to her 7:45 departure time and she just suddenly got really flustered. She hated her hair, thought she looked ugly (never), didn't finish all of her many hours of homework (really teachers?), didn't have time for breakfast, didn't have the jacket she wanted to wear at the ready and then here I come demanding she wear real shoes, not flip-flops, on a 50 degree day. It was one of those mornings. Somehow she pulled it together and got to her ride and went off into her school day.
Honestly, I was irritated with her because a) it doesn't take ALL MORNING to get dressed for school, b) I can help you if you ASK me, but I don't read minds, c) who wears flip-flops to school when the morning's temp is barely above freezing? Not my kids. I watched the tornado that was my daughter blow up the stairs, down, then back up again. After a few hours that day, I sent her a text that read simply, "I hope you're having a great day. I love you." Her reply was, "I love you too." That, I suppose, meant her day wasn't so 'great'.
Then there's my baby boy, Nas, who is 9 1/2 years old already and is all boy. So far the issue I have with him most is that if he doesn't get enough sleep, forget about it. He's mean as the day is long without ample rest - much like his mother. On such days he's snapping at his sister, doesn't want to be told what to do in any way, and will have a meltdown as bedtime nears. Nas would rather NOT shower if he can avoid it - read: if Mom/Dad didn't tell me to, I'm not showering. And he's become a tad particular about what he wears. We have a LOT of personalities in this house.
Nas can be found playing with his mini basketball on his mini hoop which has found its home in our master bedroom most of the time. If not, he's out playing with his friends from school. Too often Nas will be playing blocks away from home (I know, the horror!) and I have no idea where he is. Or he and his friend Caleb will be walking on the path behind our houses, hanging out at the gazebo, unbeknownst to me. Caleb has a phone, but sometimes is awful about answering it or responding to texts. Nas doesn't have a phone, he likely would be the same way so why bother?! That's probably his second worst offense, not communicating his whereabouts before he goes here there and everywhere. He's NINE years old - he thinks he's 15 it seems, so I have to remind him often that I still have to know where he is at all times.
My kids are tall, so they probably appear older to those who don't know them, but I KNOW how old they are and I feel like protecting them has gotten far more complicated as they've gotten older. I am sure it just gets worse over time...but I'm in it for the long haul. I figure, God's got these babies. I just do my part and keep praying He will fill in the massive gaps!
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
Do it for Yourself
Back in August 2011, I decided to try a website my friend Ashley used to lose 80+ pounds. It's funny how I could take this weigh-loss attempt more seriously because of that very fact: it worked for her, maybe it could work for me! Once I got signed up on My Fitness Pal I prayed, "Okay, God, if it is for me to lose weight I'm going to need Your help. I can't do this alone." So for one week I logged my food on the site and realized, after a few days, that I could log my exercise as well. Yet another mind game that worked: If you can get credit for exercising, why not exercise? Because, you know, exercising alone isn't enough pay off.
After week one I decided it was time to stand on the scale: down four pounds. I was shocked!! And then it occurred to me that I always lose exactly four pounds after week one of any diet. So I didn't get my hopes up. What the heck? Might as well see what happens after week two. And so I logged what I ate, exercised, and hoped for the best.
After week two: down another four pounds! WHAT?!?! I was SOLD! If this is why people watched what they ate and exercised, well, I could probably become 'that girl'. After eight pounds lost it's probably hard for anyone to doubt the effectiveness of staying within a calorie budget and exercising. Mind you, I wasn't doing anything crazy, I was doing exercise DVDs that had collected a lot of dust on our television stand. I didn't always keep up - probably never kept up in fact - and I didn't follow the 'advanced' version of the exercises EVER. But I was moving, which was what hooked me into this idea of a healthier lifestyle in the first place.
On one episode, Dr. Oz said something like you can tell a person the benefits of anything until you're blue in the face, but only when they themselves FEEL different, FEEL the improvements, FEEL the changes will they be convinced. Well he was right because all of my life I saw people exercise, heard that exercise makes you feel good, gives you energy, and makes you crave more, but I wasn't hearing any of that. Exercise, from my experience, only made me tired, hot, sweaty, and hungry. So I figured these amazing benefits just didn't apply to me.
Until I started exercising on a regular basis.
It took two weeks of exercising 3-4 times a week before my body craved exercise. If I didn't DO something I would feel really tight, tired, and sometimes even grumpy. No one, let alone a Mom, has time for that, so I'd exercise. In turn I felt like my new self again: energetic, focused, ready for the day. Mind you, I hadn't started seeing any physical changes in the mirror yet, but the way I felt in my day-to-day was enough to convince me that this was the way. I remember saying, "If I never lose another pound it's okay, I'll still exercise." It was for the sheer benefits both mental and physical. It was a new quality of life. I was 33 years old and had never felt that way before.
Those two weeks in August are what got me started on this journey to feel better, be better, and fully enjoy my life, my husband, my kids. Oh if I could only go back and tell my younger self...
After week one I decided it was time to stand on the scale: down four pounds. I was shocked!! And then it occurred to me that I always lose exactly four pounds after week one of any diet. So I didn't get my hopes up. What the heck? Might as well see what happens after week two. And so I logged what I ate, exercised, and hoped for the best.
After week two: down another four pounds! WHAT?!?! I was SOLD! If this is why people watched what they ate and exercised, well, I could probably become 'that girl'. After eight pounds lost it's probably hard for anyone to doubt the effectiveness of staying within a calorie budget and exercising. Mind you, I wasn't doing anything crazy, I was doing exercise DVDs that had collected a lot of dust on our television stand. I didn't always keep up - probably never kept up in fact - and I didn't follow the 'advanced' version of the exercises EVER. But I was moving, which was what hooked me into this idea of a healthier lifestyle in the first place.
On one episode, Dr. Oz said something like you can tell a person the benefits of anything until you're blue in the face, but only when they themselves FEEL different, FEEL the improvements, FEEL the changes will they be convinced. Well he was right because all of my life I saw people exercise, heard that exercise makes you feel good, gives you energy, and makes you crave more, but I wasn't hearing any of that. Exercise, from my experience, only made me tired, hot, sweaty, and hungry. So I figured these amazing benefits just didn't apply to me.
Until I started exercising on a regular basis.
It took two weeks of exercising 3-4 times a week before my body craved exercise. If I didn't DO something I would feel really tight, tired, and sometimes even grumpy. No one, let alone a Mom, has time for that, so I'd exercise. In turn I felt like my new self again: energetic, focused, ready for the day. Mind you, I hadn't started seeing any physical changes in the mirror yet, but the way I felt in my day-to-day was enough to convince me that this was the way. I remember saying, "If I never lose another pound it's okay, I'll still exercise." It was for the sheer benefits both mental and physical. It was a new quality of life. I was 33 years old and had never felt that way before.
Those two weeks in August are what got me started on this journey to feel better, be better, and fully enjoy my life, my husband, my kids. Oh if I could only go back and tell my younger self...
Bienvenido a Miami
Earlier this month my besty and I headed south to the warm, sandy beaches of Miami. We try to do something like this annually, and Babe was adamant that time in Miami would be very relaxing. Being that we're both Moms and, well, exhausted much of the time, it wasn't a hard sell.
Friday, February 22, 2013
Is it dinner time AGAIN!??!
First, I am thankful that figuring out dinner is one of my biggest issues in life right now. It could surely be worse, but I am so grateful that it is not. That said. I hate dinner time. That 5 o'clock hour when I realize we should have something defrosted and ready to cook or at least a plan as to what we will be eating when the youngest of the bunch comes in, bouncing a ball, asking "what's for dinner?" I dread it many days because sometimes, tossing something into the Crock Pot at noon doesn't sound appealing. Pulling out one of those great looking recipes I printed out long ago may happen, but it has so many things in the ingredients list that I don't have - ugh, scratch that. Heck I typically don't even have anything frozen, like a quick meal, that I could take out and slap some broccoli or salad next to! I'm just UNPREPARED!
Okay, wait, no I don't hate dinner time unless I am unprepared. It would seem the remedy to that would be to meal plan, right? Well, have you ever done that? It's kind of involved, which means it's kind of annoying to do, but that it really does pay off.
1. How much money do you have for said meal plan?
2. What is in the sale papers for the week that might help me decide what we will eat?
3. Okay, what do we all like enough that it will get a pass for dinner...for a week?
4. What do we already have in the pantry/fridge that I won't have to buy?
5. Now let's go grocery shopping. (Bonus: This must be done weekly or monthly)
At this point, we are ready to cook dinner, ideally, for a solid week - probably with a leftover day in there somewhere. I find this process tedious. But when I don't do this, I find that we are spending quite a bit of money eating out and although it's not McDonald's we're getting, it's still not a home cooked meal. When I follow these five steps, however long it takes me, we eat at home and the kids can take leftovers to school for lunch! Win-win in my book! I don't think my family realizes what it takes to get that dinner on the table or into their lunch boxes on a daily basis, but I feel so much better knowing that what we are eating is not full of preservatives and sodium the way restaurant food typically is.
Don't be confused, there are days when both Babe and I say, "let's just pick something up" and we do. But when a meal plan is in place and the groceries are in the house just waiting to become dinner, it doesn't happen as often. And when both of your kids find the kid's menu at any restaurant unsatisfying - especially the kid who is still young enough to eat off that menu - ya really need to eat at home!
Okay, wait, no I don't hate dinner time unless I am unprepared. It would seem the remedy to that would be to meal plan, right? Well, have you ever done that? It's kind of involved, which means it's kind of annoying to do, but that it really does pay off.
1. How much money do you have for said meal plan?
2. What is in the sale papers for the week that might help me decide what we will eat?
3. Okay, what do we all like enough that it will get a pass for dinner...for a week?
4. What do we already have in the pantry/fridge that I won't have to buy?
5. Now let's go grocery shopping. (Bonus: This must be done weekly or monthly)
At this point, we are ready to cook dinner, ideally, for a solid week - probably with a leftover day in there somewhere. I find this process tedious. But when I don't do this, I find that we are spending quite a bit of money eating out and although it's not McDonald's we're getting, it's still not a home cooked meal. When I follow these five steps, however long it takes me, we eat at home and the kids can take leftovers to school for lunch! Win-win in my book! I don't think my family realizes what it takes to get that dinner on the table or into their lunch boxes on a daily basis, but I feel so much better knowing that what we are eating is not full of preservatives and sodium the way restaurant food typically is.
Don't be confused, there are days when both Babe and I say, "let's just pick something up" and we do. But when a meal plan is in place and the groceries are in the house just waiting to become dinner, it doesn't happen as often. And when both of your kids find the kid's menu at any restaurant unsatisfying - especially the kid who is still young enough to eat off that menu - ya really need to eat at home!
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Basketball: Season 2
We just wrapped up season two of basketball for Nas' team, the Rowdy Rebels. The boys were undefeated this year, which is a huge accomplishment considering his team last year lost all but one game, which ended in a tie.
It was fun to see Nas grow and learn the sport. He dribbles much better, leaps full-on into the air to grab rebounds, made several points over the course of the season, and learned to kick it up a notch when his opponent was more aggressive. Nas understands the game of basketball now, last season? Not so much.
He wanted to practice all the time - at the playground basketball court or at the make-shift court he created at home. Many a morning we were awaken to the rhythmic sound of a bouncing ball. However irritated I may have been because he woke me from my slumber, I always smiled because Nas truly does enjoy basketball. Much like I find myself, sometimes, annoyed with the loud music blaring from the family room because Jay is practicing her ballet positions or just plain old rocking it out, I know that this is what she loves. Granted I do ask that she turn the tunes down, I never make her stop because watching my children find the things in this life that fulfill them reminds me of how I felt when I was eight years old. Back then I realized that writing was much like talking - but I wasn't nervous when I wrote, no anxiety there - it became something I wanted to do as often I could. It became a part of me.
I don't know that basketball will be part of Nas throughout his life, or dance will permeate all that Jay does in this life, but for now, right now, I know that my kids have found things they love doing. No matter what, I pray they always have something they can go to that allows them to get lost and forget the world around them. For now, my sleep will be interrupted by a bouncing ball and my peace will be cut short by music that makes my daughter move. I think it's something that I will miss when they grow up and leave home, so I cherish it while I can.
It was fun to see Nas grow and learn the sport. He dribbles much better, leaps full-on into the air to grab rebounds, made several points over the course of the season, and learned to kick it up a notch when his opponent was more aggressive. Nas understands the game of basketball now, last season? Not so much.
He wanted to practice all the time - at the playground basketball court or at the make-shift court he created at home. Many a morning we were awaken to the rhythmic sound of a bouncing ball. However irritated I may have been because he woke me from my slumber, I always smiled because Nas truly does enjoy basketball. Much like I find myself, sometimes, annoyed with the loud music blaring from the family room because Jay is practicing her ballet positions or just plain old rocking it out, I know that this is what she loves. Granted I do ask that she turn the tunes down, I never make her stop because watching my children find the things in this life that fulfill them reminds me of how I felt when I was eight years old. Back then I realized that writing was much like talking - but I wasn't nervous when I wrote, no anxiety there - it became something I wanted to do as often I could. It became a part of me.
I don't know that basketball will be part of Nas throughout his life, or dance will permeate all that Jay does in this life, but for now, right now, I know that my kids have found things they love doing. No matter what, I pray they always have something they can go to that allows them to get lost and forget the world around them. For now, my sleep will be interrupted by a bouncing ball and my peace will be cut short by music that makes my daughter move. I think it's something that I will miss when they grow up and leave home, so I cherish it while I can.
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