Isn't it ironic?

It's funny how God works.

When I was pregnant with Jay I prayed that the baby I was carrying would be like his or her Daddy: Babe is outgoing, he has a fun personality, but works very hard for what he wants in this life, he knows where his blessings come from, he is brilliant in that he retains information and acquires it with ease. That's what I wanted for our baby. I asked God for all of that, plus, if He could, throw in some dancing skills because I love dance, but skills I do not have.

From those prayers came Jay who resembles me, but is JUST like her Daddy. She also happens to love dance and is so good at it.

As Jay got older I realized just how much she is like Babe. And some of the traits are just as annoying on her as they are on him! So when I can't understand where she's coming from, why she sees things the way she does, or wants to fly free like a little butterfly, I know that I can consult her father because he understands the way she works. After all, she is just like him.

The same goes for our son,  only I didn't put in a specific order when we were ready for baby number two. I prayed the usual parent prayer asking for a healthy baby who would grow to love God. If you know me, you know I also begged and pleaded with God to give me the honor of raising a son alongside the daughter He blessed us with. Maybe I should've been more specific in my personality ordering because I'll be doggoned if God didn't create our son to look just like his father and have MY personality!!!!

Disclaimer: There is nothing 'wrong' with my personality except that I'm an introvert, I tend to be anxious over all things, I think way too much about everything, I don't learn new things quickly, and I'm very emotional. Basically, a polar opposite of Babe and Jay. God knows full well how hard I have struggled with 'this' personality so I find it pretty funny that he slapped it on my son! And not funny 'ha-ha'.

But what's nice is that when Nas is being Nas, Babe has someone he can go to to help him understand where Nas is coming from, why he sees things the way he does, and why Nas has little desire to blaze a trail. Nas is content with things that make him happy and keep his anxiety level at a manageable place. Right now at least, Nas doesn't see becoming president or curing cancer as his life goal. He's content with growing up and becoming a football player and video game designer. While Jay wants be a superstar, philanthropist, and own a dance school where kids who can't afford dance lessons can attend.

Our kids are very different and that's really okay. But it's even more okay because they each have a parent who can relate to them, and a parent who can help them see things a different way when necessary. God knows what He's doing, and that is evident in all things, but especially in our household!

Our snuggle bunny

In posts past I am sure I have mentioned my deep desire to have a son of my very own. I prayed often, made a list of the qualities I felt a son should have and that if God didn't see fit I would fully understand on the day I birthed my second child

Run Mama Run

A few weeks ago I decided that if I was going to push through this weight-loss plateau I was going to have to kick the exercise into high gear - okay, higher gear.  Although I was already going pretty hard in the gym and allowing Jackie Warner and Jillian Michaels to pound me into submission, I knew doing basically the same level of intensity was not going to get me the results I was seeking.

What if I started to run?

That's what I'm here for....right?!

When you're an at-home Mom, I suppose it's normal to feel like there are certain things that are simply "your" job to take care of.  During the summer when the kids were home all.day.long., I didn't do much for them.  They had 1500 boxes of cereal available for breakfast, I kept tuna salad made or lunch meat (no nitrates!!!) on hand at all times so they could make sandwiches for lunch, and snack stuff was always in the fridge or cabinet awaiting their attack.  I even skimped on dinner many summer nights.

But now that they are back in school and sports are in full swing, I find it my duty to take on just about all of their duties.  I'm sure to many Moms this sounds insane. But being home every day, all day, aside from volunteering at Nas' school, exercising, and writing, I feel like the household business is mine to tend to. And I want the house to be clean when they all make their way back home for the evening.  I know my Mom worked full-time and did what she could. If she were home every day all day she would have a) gone crazy, but b) had EVERYTHING taken care of when we got home! So this whole at-home Mom thing has definitely become a "homemaker" thing because, well, there are NO KIDS home til 3:30 Monday through Friday!

So what does this look like? Well, I feel obligated to get up with my daughter in the morning at 6:15. I need to make sure she's up and getting it together for the day. Some days I'll be up for making the kids something hot for breakfast, this morning it was pancakes and bacon, yesterday it was oatmeal (instant mixed with rolled), toast and fruit. But I feel like I need to help them along in the morning, and breakfast is my gig even if it's cereal, toast and a boiled egg! I don't like the kids eating too much processed 'crap' and we all know that 'real' food requires some time and effort - so Mama's gotta get up!

For now, I make their sandwiches on Sunday, add lettuce and tomato on the day of, and they have snacks in a big bowl for them to choose from. I also make their fruit cup or a little salad for them to pack, but that is also because I need to know they are eating fairly well on any given day.  Maybe this all just comes down to control? It wouldn't be the first time I've heard that - I'm controlling, yes.

Then, I check to see what we can have for dinner before 4 p.m. rolls around so I can feed Nas before football on practice nights.  Babe insists he can help with dinner some nights, but I realize I have plenty of time to get that taken care of in case he's not up to doing dinner when he thinks he might be.

I do realize that this can be a bad idea. But I've decided that for the first couple of weeks, while they get settled into their routines, it's what my inner Mom voice tells me to do.  Then I will need to let them take on some of the responsibility because one of my top priorities is raising my kids to be independent. Jay's off to a great start in that regard, but Nas will need more encouragement - not Mommy taking on all of his "stuff".

Maybe when I see myself as CEO of our household I need to remember to delegate, as any good leader knows. I find great joy in taking care of my family, but I can't let that override my determination to raise independent kids. I'm sure as the newness of this school year wears off I will let up a bit because sharing the duties is the only way I'll get a win-win: I'm taking care of my family and ensuring that the kids gradually take on more responsibility. That's how you really take care of and love your kids.  Because if the past 11 years of motherhood have taught me anything, it's that they'll be 18 and ready to live their own lives sooner than I know. And I need them to be very ready and very capable when the time comes.

Back to the grind

As our summer break comes to an end – rather quickly I might add – it is very obvious to me that the kids’ break from school equals Mom’s break from the day-to-day grind.  No, I don’t work full-time.  My grind during the past school year has been getting healthy and losing this weight! 

There is nothing cozier than having the kids home with NO schedules, NO homework, NO obligations that require me to drive them here there and everywhere by a set time.  And cozy is what got me to here in the first place: in need of getting the weight off.  When I’m cozy, I like something yummy to eat to go along with that cozy feeling.  The kids are home on break? Well we’re going to enjoy ice cream, frozen yogurt, sub sandwiches – don’t forget the chips!, eggs/bacon/toast/fruit for breakfast, and easy-breezy dinners because really, who wants to cook come 5:00 on a sweltering summer evening? All this coziness and a side of “it’s way too hot to be outside doing much of ANYTHING”! And there you have it. Time for Mama to get back on the boat if the goal is to be reached!

It has occurred to me that if I want to lose this last 15 pounds, and honestly, not rediscover any of the 26 pounds I lost in the past year, I need a new mindset about “cozy”!! It’s why new couples pack on the pounds, new brides tend to put on some newlywed weight, and I myself did ALL that and then some.  Spending time on the couch in front of the idiot box, relaxing with the man does not mean I need to stuff my face with crappy cozy treats!! On movie nights when the fam is all piled in on a chilly fall night, which we are so overdue for (chilly nights I mean), does not mean a free-for-all!!! Pop, candy, popcorn drenched in fake butter? As Bethenny Frankel has written, “you can have it all, just not all at once”.

New rules must be implemented to be successful on the “Phase 2” of my weight-loss journey, because 26 pounds ain’t gon’ cut it for this girl.  I have a very specific look in mind for my body and even if it takes me another full year to get there, I’m going to get there.  Maybe there are more good reasons than just a clean house for the kids going back to school: Mama’s gotta get her groove back! And an “empty nest” for six hours is just what I need to make it happen.

"If it scares you, do it"

That was a short but powerful quote I read in a magazine today and it has me thinking even more about my "control freak" tendencies.

Ever since childhood I have been the girl to play it safe. I didn't ride my bike down that steep hill near my Grandmother's house. My fear of water kept me in the shallow end of the pool because I couldn't bear to learn to swim - it'd require me to give up control.  Only once in my life have I had a little too much to drink and that didn't leave me out of control, tipsy maybe, but the 9,000 pounds my head seemed to swell to the next morning was enough to keep me on the 2 drink MAXIMUM list.  The idea that I might not remember what I did or who I did it with because of too much alcohol or drug use keeps me quite sober. 

So it's safe to say that being a control freak has it's up side, but it keeps you out of the game of life in many instances that are actually perfectly safe. Learning to swim, for instance, is safe! No one is going to just let me drown, but leaving the control on the chair with my towel while I let someone teach me to survive in the water is just too difficult for me.

"If it scares you, do it!"

I've always been an anxious kinda person.  It got so bad this summer that I had to see my doctor about it because it was really affecting my daily life and quality thereof.  Worrying about getting hit while riding bikes with my kids - or alone for that matter - was the kind of thing that kept me from getting out there. Anxiety about getting in a car accident or being in traffic kept me in very close proximity to home because venturing out was just too much to bear, anxiety wise.  This was all very irrational fear that overcame me on a daily basis: my nerves were shot! So

First taste of Freedom

When I was 8 years old, my parents took me to look at a bike being sold at a garage sale.  I was so excited when the $6 brown bike with the big banana seat fit me like we were made for each other.  It was the bike that would carry me around our driveway, a large stretch of black tar that covered our front driveway, around to the side of the house, and down and around to our garage in the back of the house.  This was where I would practice riding. Learning, no, mastering the art of bike riding became my mission - just me and my brown bike with the banana seat.

Now, at 11, my daughter has found the freedom a bike holds. Jay loves riding her bike with her friends. She comes up with different places to go and when all else fails she just rides around our hilly neighborhood. I think it's so cool that although things change from generation to generation, from what I can tell, bicycles have always been a constant. Even Jay's friends know the freeing feeling a bike offers as they come over to whisk her away often.

It reminds me of when my sister and I would ride up and down our street, Arlene, around the block, over the uneven sidewalk, on the short stint that sat on the busy street across from our elementary school, and zooming down the slight hill back to our house at 3311.  Later, we would ride our bikes to 7-11 to spend whatever little bit of money was burning a hole in our pockets. On a summer day, there was nothing in this world like riding our bikes to 7-11 to get Slurpees! It was our first taste of freedom, on our bikes, allowed to ride just far enough to feel free.

Today I got to thinking about Jay on her own bike and how far I am comfortable with allowing her to go, to feel that first taste of freedom. And I came to the conclusion that as long as she is on residential streets, helmet strapped on, Jay too can enjoy the freedom my parents allowed us as kids.  Because really, from what I can remember, as my niece would say, it was the BEST thing EVER!