If memory serves, I heard the term "Helicopter Mom" not long after having birthed Nas. But when I hear my friend say that she is indeed a "Helicopter Mom" I have to laugh because she most definitely is! In her defense her kids are newly six and almost two - so they're young. But I'm the kind of Mom who has to fight the urge to hover over my kids, and Babe's words often play in my head "Let them play, they're fine!" Yeah, easy for YOU to say, DAD! I truly believe Dads parent differently than Moms do - which is probably why God's design was for kids to be raised by two parents. So while I'm battling my "smother mother" tendencies, he's able to glance up from time to time to be sure no one has been injured. Or he allows the youngest to lag several feet behind but, "He's FINE, I know where he IS!"
While flipping through my "Heart and Soul" magazine I ran across an article that suggested ways to allow kids to gain independence. None of the tips were over the top, but I definitely started thinking about how I can take yet another step back so the kids can continue to spread their wings - not too far, just far enough for their ages! I believe kids should become independent throughout their lives, 18 is no time to expect them to succeed when no foundation has been laid! So today I'm allowing them to walk home by themselves. Just typing those words makes my stomach sink. But...Jay is 10 and in fifth grade and Nas is seven in first grade. Initially I met Nas at his class line after school. Babe thought that was silly. So after a few weeks I had Jay grab Nas from his class line and I'd meet them after they crossed the street with the help of crossing guards. After another few weeks I told them, "Even if you don't see me, keep walking toward home." Thinking I was easing them into walking home just the two of them. So I guess today is the day. I ran it by Babe (and my Mom!) because they are his kids too, and he said, "Uh, YEAH!" I'm so thankful he balances me, we can't both be crazy!
That's my latest step toward helping the kids gain independence. The book offered 15 tips to allowing your kids to spread their wings:
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Monday, November 28, 2011
This year at Thanksgiving
For me, Thanksgivings past have been spent in full-on PIG OUT mode. There are so many delicious options and so much of them that it was just a time for me to enjoy myself - I was in comfort mode. Comfort, I've noticed, is often paired with food for me. When Babe and I catch up on television shows we'll sit on the couch and I'll have to have something to eat - just the two of us in the quiet of our home (kids are in bed!) makes me feel so comfortable and cozy that it only makes sense that food be brought into the equation!
Dressing, baked macaroni and cheese, mashed potatoes, rolls, greens, pound cake, sweet potato pie - oh my! Lay that out in front of me Thanksgivings past and I would have easily consumed 3,000 calories in ONE meal. I'd be sure to hit it again on the Friday after - another 2,000+ calories in one sitting. Well this year at Thanksgiving things were different.
In August I started using the website myfitnesspal and I've learned a lot about myself and my eating habits since then. I've lost some weight and week after week I'm closer to my goal. So this "Turkey Day" I woke up and took some deep breaths before the festivities started, I didn't want any setbacks because of the holiday. I did a short but quality workout, used the website to enter the food I planned on eating with our family and friends - including drinks and dessert - and I knew that as long as I stuck to that plan I would stay within the day's calorie budget. I also planned on doing some "Just Dance" songs with the kids, a little exercise is good for everyone and every little bit helps!
So I ate what I planned on, except for the apple pie and vanilla ice cream I thought I'd want, and found that I can be in a comfortable setting (family and friends) and not have to overeat to seal the deal. We ate, cleaned up a bit, danced with the kids, then just hung out. Nothing about all the food in the kitchen said I had to be eating all day just because. THAT was new for me!
If nothing else I'm finding that the weight-loss website is teaching me so much, but most of all I am learning that all it takes is a little planning. Whether I'm going to the movies with the girls, eating out with Babe, shopping with my besty, or sitting down to a huge meal on Thanksgiving - planning will make all the difference in the world...and on the scale!
Dressing, baked macaroni and cheese, mashed potatoes, rolls, greens, pound cake, sweet potato pie - oh my! Lay that out in front of me Thanksgivings past and I would have easily consumed 3,000 calories in ONE meal. I'd be sure to hit it again on the Friday after - another 2,000+ calories in one sitting. Well this year at Thanksgiving things were different.
In August I started using the website myfitnesspal and I've learned a lot about myself and my eating habits since then. I've lost some weight and week after week I'm closer to my goal. So this "Turkey Day" I woke up and took some deep breaths before the festivities started, I didn't want any setbacks because of the holiday. I did a short but quality workout, used the website to enter the food I planned on eating with our family and friends - including drinks and dessert - and I knew that as long as I stuck to that plan I would stay within the day's calorie budget. I also planned on doing some "Just Dance" songs with the kids, a little exercise is good for everyone and every little bit helps!
So I ate what I planned on, except for the apple pie and vanilla ice cream I thought I'd want, and found that I can be in a comfortable setting (family and friends) and not have to overeat to seal the deal. We ate, cleaned up a bit, danced with the kids, then just hung out. Nothing about all the food in the kitchen said I had to be eating all day just because. THAT was new for me!
If nothing else I'm finding that the weight-loss website is teaching me so much, but most of all I am learning that all it takes is a little planning. Whether I'm going to the movies with the girls, eating out with Babe, shopping with my besty, or sitting down to a huge meal on Thanksgiving - planning will make all the difference in the world...and on the scale!
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Plugged In
Lately I've been a bit distracted by some extended family stuff going on, and I've learned that when I'm distracted I tend to zone out. Yep, the very thing I nag Babe about, I find myself doing when my mind is focused elsewhere.
When distracted, I can find a zillion things to Google, even if it is useful information (possible Christmas gifts for the kids), my time could be better used hanging with the kids or doing the inevitable sink full of dishes. But no. My distracted mind finds itself pacified by constant texting about, well, nothing. Or I get on the computer and check my email, read different blogs I enjoy, see what's happening on My Fitness Pal and Facebook, and I even found myself trying to figure out how to create a DVD of Nas' football games. Meanwhile, my kids are relaxing doing the things they enjoy.
Now Babe would say, "They don't care, they just want to do them." But I noticed when the Blackberry did its "text message" alert for the umpteenth time, Jay glanced over at me and thought, "Just WAIT til I can text - I won't even need the English language anymore 'cuz I won't say a WORD to any of you!" I know Jay, I can almost guarantee that was her exact thought.
So I turned my phone to "silent", I put away the magazine, I forced myself to plug in to whatever the kids were doing - I had to force myself to be PRESENT. Now, in my defense I don't zone out often, almost never. But this past weekend was hard on me mentally, which meant everything else was out of whack. Typically I try to do my computer business in the morning before we all get moving or, really, before the kids are fully conscious, that way it's done. I get on later in the day to log my daily food - but other than that, I'm all theirs.
What I wonder is, what must it be like for kids whose parents are ALWAYS unplugged? Constantly distracted by whatever might be going on in their world. I know it irks me to no end when Babe is distracted by all things electronic (or athletic) because it feels like he'd rather be left alone to do his thing. Sometimes that is necessary, but for a full weekend? No. Again, I have high standards for my family and being unplugged for an extended period of time is unfair to those witnessing the incessant activity that doesn't involve them.
So I have tonight, tomorrow, Thanksgiving, Friday, and the weekend to make it up to my kids and Mama's gonna do it up - because although I know they need their time alone like adults do, they still want their parents to plug into their lives, especially when they're out of school. And I'm going to enjoy it because there will come a time, all too soon, when all they'll want is to be left alone.
When distracted, I can find a zillion things to Google, even if it is useful information (possible Christmas gifts for the kids), my time could be better used hanging with the kids or doing the inevitable sink full of dishes. But no. My distracted mind finds itself pacified by constant texting about, well, nothing. Or I get on the computer and check my email, read different blogs I enjoy, see what's happening on My Fitness Pal and Facebook, and I even found myself trying to figure out how to create a DVD of Nas' football games. Meanwhile, my kids are relaxing doing the things they enjoy.
Now Babe would say, "They don't care, they just want to do them." But I noticed when the Blackberry did its "text message" alert for the umpteenth time, Jay glanced over at me and thought, "Just WAIT til I can text - I won't even need the English language anymore 'cuz I won't say a WORD to any of you!" I know Jay, I can almost guarantee that was her exact thought.
So I turned my phone to "silent", I put away the magazine, I forced myself to plug in to whatever the kids were doing - I had to force myself to be PRESENT. Now, in my defense I don't zone out often, almost never. But this past weekend was hard on me mentally, which meant everything else was out of whack. Typically I try to do my computer business in the morning before we all get moving or, really, before the kids are fully conscious, that way it's done. I get on later in the day to log my daily food - but other than that, I'm all theirs.
What I wonder is, what must it be like for kids whose parents are ALWAYS unplugged? Constantly distracted by whatever might be going on in their world. I know it irks me to no end when Babe is distracted by all things electronic (or athletic) because it feels like he'd rather be left alone to do his thing. Sometimes that is necessary, but for a full weekend? No. Again, I have high standards for my family and being unplugged for an extended period of time is unfair to those witnessing the incessant activity that doesn't involve them.
So I have tonight, tomorrow, Thanksgiving, Friday, and the weekend to make it up to my kids and Mama's gonna do it up - because although I know they need their time alone like adults do, they still want their parents to plug into their lives, especially when they're out of school. And I'm going to enjoy it because there will come a time, all too soon, when all they'll want is to be left alone.
Monday, November 14, 2011
What are you Thankful for?
'Tis the season to be grateful! I tend to enjoy the holidays, in theory, once all of the food is purchased for the Thanksgiving Day dinner. Baking, cooking, and preparing for family and friends to rest their feet under our table excites me about the holiday. And as long as I keep a running To-Do list so it's not mayhem come Wednesday night, I tend to feel happy about Thanksgiving Day approaching!
This year we're going to start a little tradition at our house. And with the big day just 10 days away, this year's tradition will be the smallest of the years, but better late than never! My friend and I were talking about how an ungrateful spirit is the most frustrating when it comes to our kids. Especially considering all that their parents do for them! So in jest I told her she should have her son sit down every day and write one thing he is thankful for.
"That's a really good idea!" She replied. As I thought about it I had to agree.
"Yeah, I think we'll do that with our kids too! Plus, it's almost Thanksgiving!"
"Then we can have their words presented on Power Point for everyone to see before we eat on Thanksgiving!" She added. That was really funny because I can just see her putting a presentation together on the computer - she's not the most tech-savvy, we both agreed! Plus, who wants to do that kind of thing ON Thanksgiving BEFORE dinner? Yeah, no.
So this is how my family's newest tradition was born. Today when the kids get home I will have a notebook of paper for each of them to write "I am thankful for...." They will do this every day until Thanksgiving and we will have them add to it starting November 1st each year until they are no longer bound by their mother's "you will be grateful" plan. Kids are kids, we all have been there, but I know that if it wasn't planted in me as a child to be thankful for all of God's blessings in my life it would be hard to grasp even as an adult. So this should be a fun, easy way for the kids to be reminded of all that we have and all those we love.
This year we're going to start a little tradition at our house. And with the big day just 10 days away, this year's tradition will be the smallest of the years, but better late than never! My friend and I were talking about how an ungrateful spirit is the most frustrating when it comes to our kids. Especially considering all that their parents do for them! So in jest I told her she should have her son sit down every day and write one thing he is thankful for.
"That's a really good idea!" She replied. As I thought about it I had to agree.
"Yeah, I think we'll do that with our kids too! Plus, it's almost Thanksgiving!"
"Then we can have their words presented on Power Point for everyone to see before we eat on Thanksgiving!" She added. That was really funny because I can just see her putting a presentation together on the computer - she's not the most tech-savvy, we both agreed! Plus, who wants to do that kind of thing ON Thanksgiving BEFORE dinner? Yeah, no.
So this is how my family's newest tradition was born. Today when the kids get home I will have a notebook of paper for each of them to write "I am thankful for...." They will do this every day until Thanksgiving and we will have them add to it starting November 1st each year until they are no longer bound by their mother's "you will be grateful" plan. Kids are kids, we all have been there, but I know that if it wasn't planted in me as a child to be thankful for all of God's blessings in my life it would be hard to grasp even as an adult. So this should be a fun, easy way for the kids to be reminded of all that we have and all those we love.
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