Drama queen at 4:00

My daughter is a beautiful girl. She is smart, likes to help out (typically), loves fashion and dance. Jay is serious like her Dad and things come fairly easily to her, they always have. There are things about my daughter that I love and things I, just, don't.

Lately I have found myself suffering from extreme tension in my neck and shoulders that quickly instigates a headache. Oddly, this happens at the same time every. single. day. At 3:30, I make my way to a playground near the kids' school where I wait for Jay to escort her brother from school. By 3:50, the kids have washed their hands and are having a snack. Soon after, Nas is off running around, as he can't stand to do his homework before 4:30, and Jay is at the table having a snack as she begins her homework. THIS is when the headache ensues.

I am happy to help my kids with their homework. But Jay has decided that drama must be part of the homework experience for her. She whines. She sings. She pouts about how long it is taking her to finish. She yells at her brother for God. knows. what. I try to help her only to be told, basically, I don't know what I'm talking about. Really? I am no Algebra whiz, but I still know the basics! Did I mention that headache? That 4:00 headache? Yeah, that is courtesy of Jay.

My little girl is transforming, quickly, into what I've envisioned a teenage daughter to be: an emotional train-wreck. I don't know if we're approaching "that special time we girls have" or not, but if this is how things continue after school one of us is GONNA need a drink.

It's hard not to...

Wednesday mornings have been devoted to volunteering in my son's first grade class. I really enjoy being in the classroom because I do some things that don't involve the kids, but I do get to interact with the kids from time to time. The teacher even allows me to test some of the kids on what they know in, say, reading, so she knows what level each child is at. The first time I took a few kids out of the class for a "test" I was shocked!

The first kids were advanced, but nothing "shocking". Then when another child came in for his "test" I could barely keep up with the kid because the kid was reading the words SO FAST!! I was...shocked!

"What the crap?!" I was thinking. "How the heck does this kid KNOW all this!?!"

Baffled, I walked back home with this kid's advanced reading skills weighing heavily on my mind. See, I'm the kinda girl who sees a problem, then immediately starts devising a plan to fix it. Nas is a first grader, in the same class as the advanced kid, obviously, but he's probably right where he should be in all subjects. He doesn't read his sister's 5th grade books, he can't spell 3rd grade words, Nas can't multiply, and he doesn't recognize Pi.

I could've gone on and on in my head about what Nas can't do academically, but it seemed far more productive to go over what he can do and how we at home can help him with his weaknesses. Nas is his mother's child in that he is a strong writer - and he loves writing. He catches on to math concepts quickly, first grade math concepts to be sure. Nas also caught on to reading fairly easily and doesn't just love reading, but he's at a good place as a first grader.

It is so hard not to compare your kids to other kids their age. I know I've done it since Jay was born, but soon learned every child is so different that this is not a good way to measure ability of any kind. But I even find that I compare Jay and Nas - Nas more so to Jay at his age, but in a word it's just not FAIR to do this. Jay has always been advanced. She rolled over at two months, got teeth early, walked at nine months, has read a grade level or so higher since she started reading, she's just always done things early and overall, well. Nas has done some things early, but his resume does not read like his sister's does.

So what? As long as Nas is learning, is at least at grade-level, and behaves the way he is expected to at school, it's all good. Even his social issues have generally dissipated, which was a huge concern for me when he was younger. And every time I interact with the super reader in Nas's class I hear my Mom saying to me, "When everyone else learns it, you'll already know it. So what?" Being advanced in academics presents its own problems, I know this first hand where Jay is concerned, but we all have our strong suits which cannot, and should not, be compared.

It seems I'm growing up

Today is my 33rd birthday. I'm sure everyone reflects on years gone by and the wonderful years ahead, but as I take inventory of my life right now, from where I sit, my life is really, really good. And I am ever-so thankful for my loving family, a supportive husband who I still love hanging out with, and for my health. Which is what I've taken notice of more today than I have on any other September 21.

In early August I started using a weight-loss site, My Fitness Pal, and it has changed the way I see food - hopefully - forever. See, I've always been a big girl, even as a kid, so I have spent a lot (too much) of my life trying to lose weight. Well, this site is so basic, so easy, but it has taught me to see food as a means to get through the day. I can either get through the day tired and grouchy, or I can eat well and get through the day with energy! This little website has showed me that I can control what I look and feel like based on knowing what I should be eating and how much. It doesn't expect anything of me, accept logging my food daily. There are no meal plans, no shakes, no pills, no weird diets, nothing. I can use my calories for the day on whole pizzas, or I can eat sensibly. It's up to me, period. And that kind of control + results, for me = a GOOD health plan!

It occurred to me while I was logging my food for the day thus far that I don't live to eat, but rather I eat to live, and that has been my goal for many, many years. I enjoy food, don't get me wrong, but with a plan I know that I can not only enjoy food, but also work toward my goal weight at the same time! What a novel idea. It makes me wonder: If after a month and a half I have learned this much about myself and my body, what might I gain (and lose!) on my journey to health come my 34th birthday? I can't say, but I look forward to learning every day for the next year and the years to come.

And I thought I hated football!

Back in 2003, Babe and I decided that we should have one more baby to make ours a family of four. Come October 2004, we welcomed our 6 pound 10 ounce baby boy and I was over the moon about it! I grew up with a sister, so I knew that dynamic well enough to want to experience something different as a mother. A girl and a boy seemed perfect!
Nas has been all boy since he was old enough to display 'boyish' traits, so when he took to throwing balls, I didn't think much of it. But because Babe is so into sports, I knew basketball would surely be in the cards - heck, I love basketball, I figured our son would too! Fast-forward to Nas at age five.
"Don't you want to play basketball?" I ask, hopeful.
"No, basketball's boring!" Nas informed me.
Instead, my son, the one I nurtured inside me for nine long months, kept safe from sick people and dirty kids (even his sister!), and breastfed every 30 minutes because he felt the need to cluster-feed, wanted to play FOOTBALL. I tried to debate this from every angle. But Babe wasn't buying, so of course Nas wasn't buying! Later, Babe thought "easing" me into the football thing with flag football might work. I bought.
Needless to say, I'm the proud football mom to the Eagles' number 18. Nas is just starting out, so he's playing flag football, but I'm pretty sure he will want to start playing the real deal soon enough - why wouldn't he, the kid is a natural! What mom doesn't think their kid is the greatest? Sure, but MINE pulls flags like no other on his team! MINE runs from end zone to end zone with little or no effort - TOUCHDOWN! MINE even loves it when his Mommy is cheering (LOUDLY) on the sidelines! Oh, well, not that last one so much. At least he doesn't ACT like he loves it.
I know a few moms who don't think football is the best sport for a kid to play, but if football is what my son would like to do for now, or into the coming years, it is his choice to make. All I can do is provide the safety precautions, say a prayer that God will keep my baby and all the other mothers' babies safe...and cheer on the Eagles and number 18 like I'm their number one fan - because, well, I AM!

My refusal to overschedule

Before the kids were old enough to choose activities outside of our house to get involved in, I would hear about parents shuttling their kids here there and everywhere. Back then, I vowed that would not be our lifestyle. I wanted our kids to have dinner at the kitchen table with their parents, enjoy riding their bikes when the weather permitted, and even a television show or two before bedtime. In my opinion, all that running around for various extracurricular activities would quickly eliminate this "down time".

It's funny what you'll "refuse" to do before you are knee-deep in the trenches of whatever you are swearing off. Now that my kids are in fifth and first grades, it seems they have ideas about what their lives should look like - shocker! Jay would dance five hours a week, run with the Jogging Club on Friday mornings before school, attend Student Council meetings, have weekend sleepovers, be part of Yearbook Club, and put in the effort her parents expect of her in school. Phew! Just typing all that gets me winded! Nas on the other hand is just getting his feet wet and is happy to be a Cub Scout where meetings convene on Tuesday nights, and play flag football with his fellow Eagles on Saturday mornings.

Before school even started I knew Jay would have a long list of "to-dos" in mind, so I knew that in keeping with my commitment to my family, the reigns would have to be a little tighter on my social go-getter. If I didn't she would surely burn out before Christmas Break!! Not only that, I'm simply not the mom who is willing to shuttle the kids all over town for their "stuff", call it lazy, call it what you will, I'm just not that mom! To keep things "balanced" (don't you just love that unrealistic concept?) I did not allow Jay to take Jazz this school year. That required an extra hour, on top of her 2 hours of weekly dance. She won't be taking any classes on Saturdays at her favorite dance studio either which would add two more hours to her dancing per week, it's just too much for her.

To tame the craziness that my life could be with two children, I decided to let Saturday be our busy day: We do Nas's football stuff, any shopping for the kids, evening church service, Jay's ballet recital rehearsals, whatever must be done outside of the house - we do on Saturday. Come Sunday, we rest. We enjoy a leisurely "brunch" as a family, then the kids can do whatever they want - play with friends or do their own thing, there are no real commitments happening on Sunday.

The kids getting older has required me to adjust to maintain order for my family, because there are some things that are just non-negotiable. Family time and down time are two 'non-negotiables' for me and so far this system is working.


How do you keep your family life sane as the kids get older?